Have you heard

It's midnight, on a school night, and here I am.  I can't sleep, bcause my mind is stuck in overdrive.  So, I'm waving the white flag.  I'm going to get it out in pursuit of the peace that follows. 

I heard a good sermon today. Maybe that's not the right way to describe it.  I didn't just hear a good sermon.  It was more than sound waves and vibrations leading to neuron's firing and word recognition.  It was more than showing up and receiving the message.  I heard it.  It wasn't merely a presentation of scriptures meant to teach a lesson.  It was real.  The words more more than language, they were alive.  And they affected me deeply.  Enough so, that they have consumed my thoughts all day, and led me here.

The lesson was based on the Sermon on the Mount.  I can tell you what the lesson was supposed to be about, but that wouldn't really matter, because it lead me somewhere entirely different.  It kind of amazing really.  How one spoken word can trasform into something unique to each of us.  The spirit within guides us to the place we need to be.  And for me, I needed to go back.  To the beginning.  Not "THE" beginning.  But, to the place of my rebirth.  Most of you who know me, know that my blessings are infinite.  I live a very charmed life.  The white picket fence and 2.5 children are more than a fairy tale for me.  I live through the gift of Grace.  It's easy for me to shout Jesus from the rooftops, because I don't know adversity.  So, I go back. 

The past...whew...not exactly my favorite place.  I, like so many others, made some pretty epic mistakes.  Mistakes that scar in places that never show, and seem like they'll never heal.  I, like so many others, tried to fill spiritual voids with physical matter.  The harder we try to fill those voids, the farther we fall.  Deeper into anger, shame, and hopelessness.  One of my favorite songs right now is called "Beautiful" by Mercy Me.  The opening verse says this:

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

I think we've all been there.  In that place of fear and uncertainty.  Wanting to reach out, but guarding ourselves from rejection.  Today's sermon took me back to the place where I let go.  The place where I surrendered my understanding in return for Grace.  The place where Christ's love was shared with me.  As a recipient of that blessing, how can I not share that same blessing in return.  I know this entry is a little scattered.  It is certainly a good representation of my head right now!  I'm not really sure where this post is leading.But I know that I'm being lead place where I can't sit idly.   So often we accept defeat before the battle is waged.  We are so afraid of failure or of doing something wrong that we choose to do nothing.  We all remember our pasts, and we allow those memories to keep us from being Jesus now. "With all the mistakes I've made, who will ever listen to me?" right???  But that's just it.  Because of those mistakes, we can understand the gift of grace.  Because of those mistakes, we can connect with others who are living in the same dark shadows where we once lived.  Because the love of Christ was shared with us, we can share it in turn.  Because we have been forgiven of our pasts, we can help show others the future.  We can't wait until we are perfect to share His message, because that day will never come.  We can be the hands, and feet, and heart of Christ on his Earth now.  We are called to be His disciples now.  The present.  Here...the place where the past has lead you.  Wherever that may be.