Won't you be my love

My desire is to live the love of Christ.  But all to often I fail miserably.  Look, I know Grace.  I am a most grateful recipient.  But, sometimes my small little mind just can't grasp the concept of getting something for nothing.  So, I try to do more.    Because, the more I do, the more I deserve what I get right???? Not only do I expect more from myself, by I project my expectations onto others. I know that's not the way it works, but sometimes it's hard to separate my lack of understanding from the truth.  If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is  right?  So here I am.  Tired.  Broken.  Disappointed.  Frustrated.  Defeated.  Angry.  Not who I want to be.  Not who I am called to be. 

Today is Friday.  I hit the alarm one time too many this morning.  I just couldn't seem to get my engines going this morning.  I fumbled through the process of getting ready, and made it to work on time, but my head was definitely not in the game.  I was giving a test.  That's a good thing, because It meant that I wouldn't have to repeat myself 1000 times, and still have people not hear me!  I won't have to get mad because someone didn't have their homework.  I wouldn't be rubbing my head or taking deep breaths to release some pressure.  It's a test day.  An easy day for the most part.  I like to play music while the kids test, so I turned on one of my favorite bands.  Have you ever played one of your favorite CD's and all of the sudden felt like you heard a song for the first time?  Well, that's exactly what happened to me.  I heard a song again for the first time.  The song is by Mercy Me, and is called, "Won't You Be My Love."  Here are some of the lyrics. 

When you fall asleep tonight
In your warm and cozy room
Know that I'm awake
And I've got no shelter and no food
I am not alone
My friends are broke and lost
Looking for someone to lead them to my cross
I need your help, I need your help

Won't you be My voice calling
Won't you be My hands healing
Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won't you be My chain-breaker
Won't you be My peacemaker
Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love

It hit me like a ton of bricks!  Even with all of my efforts, I am failing to share the most important thing of all.  God did not ask me to do anything that he didn't do first.  He isn't asking me to end world hunger, bring world pease, or cure cancer.  All He's asking me to do is love.  It sounds so simple, but it's so easy to lose focus.  Our vision gets skewed by our own lack of understanding.  Just like it's hard for us to accept God's love for the free gift that it is, it's hard for us to love freely.  We like to attach regulations and expectations.  So our love is no longer free.  It is conditional.  It is fleeting.  That's why this song hit me so hard I think.  It reminded me that we are not to share love born of ourselves, but to share the love of Christ.  I'm not talking about a gushy, sweet, gooey kind of love.  I'm talking about the love of a father.  A love that gives everything but expects nothing in return.  A love that comforts and heals, guides, and protects.  A love that has no cost because it's value is immeasureable. 

So, here's the truth.  Love really does conquer all.  When we allow ourselves to love freely, we are in turn freed from our anger and frustrations.  I don't understand it.  And that's okay.  I just need to accept His love for the gift that it is.  And can you imagine a greater gift?  A more powerful or precious gift?  It's a love that not only stands the test of time, but a love that is timeless.  A love that ultimately overcame death and offers life.  Not just eternal life, but life now.  Hope now.  Purpose now.  How can we keep a gift like that to ourselves? 

Some of my favorite verses/chapters about love:  1 Corintians 13, Colossians 3:14, 1 Peter 4:8, 1John 3:16-18, 1 John 4:8, John 15:13