In an effort to get back in gear and running again, I traded in my elliptical machine for a treadmill. As I ran, Luke kept coming into the room and asking for his turn. Finally, when I was done, I told him he could hop on and take a shot at it. I was hot, so I opened the back door and did a little star gazing. Such a beautiful, clear night. Absolutely breathtaking. Sparkling stars, cool breeze, and the smell of coming rain in the air. Doesn't get much better than that. But I managed to pull myself away and turn back around to face inside. I wanted to keep a close eye on Luke. And when I looked at him, I was frozen. Transfixed. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He didn't have a shirt on, only pants. His arms were stretched outwards on each side hanging on to the handles. Every step he took his little musles moved in rhythm. His ribs stretched. His spine turned. His shoulders contracted. And the dimples on his back just above his little tooshy were the sweetest thing of all. And there I stood. Glued to this work of art. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought of my creator. My father who turned a simple cell into my son. As I reflected on that, A star cought my eye. And I lost my breath. Pure awe for my creator.
It's kind of funny and sad at the same time. Most of us live our lives in search of knowledge. We want to know more. More than we knew before, and certainly more than anyone else. What a futile search. Immediately Isaiah 55:8-9 come to my mind:
8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
9: "As the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thougths higher than your thoughts."
We want to know it all, but we can't. Many scientists, geniuses in fact, devote their entire lives trying to figure out the why and how of the universe. They look for proof. Measureable facts and figures that lead to concrete solutions. But, the final explanaiton eludes them. Because it's too much. We can't understand the thoughts of God who creates the heavens from a molecule. We can't understand the mind of a God who creates live from a single cell. A cell that inherently knows how to multiply and differentiate into complete organisms. But we keep looking for the answers. And eventually our search for knowledge of creation separates us for the masterful hand of our maker.
Psalms 111:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.
1 Corintians 1:18-25 tells us this, 18 "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”20 Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. "
If we want to gain wisdom. We have to first understand that we are not capable of understanding. If we want to become wise, we need to walk in a faith that the God who created the heavens and the Earth will provide all the wisdom we need. We are so small, yet our pastor cares for us. He nurtures us, and we grow in His wisdom. And who are we to question a wisdom like that?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Auto Pilot
Today was a little strange. Not sure why, but my mood was a little funky. It's kind of hard to explain, but sometimes strange moods can lead to strange events. And today's strange event lead me to some new reflections and realizations.
I did not want to go to school today. I'm not sure why, it was a pretty easy day to tell the truth. I guess I was just homesick. All day long, I wanted be home. I wanted peace, quiet, rest, comfort. But, I was stuck. There was work to do. So, at luch I decided to get away from the noise and eat luch at sonic. I sat in my car with the radio off and just read a book. It was wonderful. When luch was over, I put my car in gear and took off. Auto pilot. Next thing I knew, I was almost to the highway headed home! It was a jarring experience. I had only been driving a few minutes, but my last conscious thought was the fact that it was time to go back to work. So, how did I end up on the highway headed home? I guess my subconscious REALLY wanted to go home! It's kind of funny, and I think we can all relate.
We've all done it. We're busy. we're lost in thought. We're making lists. We're replaying events. We're daydreaming. We're somewhere else. All of the sudden, we're there! Only, we don't remember how we got there, because we were stuck somewhere in between. Practice and habit seem to have taken over. Auto pilot. We're here, but how? Why? I know I've written about how we get too busy and lose focus. But sometimes it isn't just about being busy. We can lose focus just as easily when we're idle. We are flesh. Sometimes, we just want to take it easy. We don't want to have to do the hard work. We want to take the day off, and just rest. We want to go home. Because home is peace, love, comfort, rest, etc. Home is where we are free to be ourselves.
I'm not suggesting that longing for home is a bad thing. But when we get stuck on auto pilot, we allow our subconscious to deliver us to places we are not intended to be. My desire to go home today wasn't the problem. The problem, was that I let it consume me. I let it take me away from where I was. And where I was, was work. There was work to do. But, I wasn't there. I know it sounds strange, but follow me. We are called to be disciples on Earth. I'm not sure if you realized it, but being a disciple was work! It was rough. They were sent to spread the message of Christ in hostile places. They faces sickness, trials, and hardships. I know they were tired. But they didn't let their desires for rest take them away from the work they had to do. They could live in the present, because they lived in faith. A faith that promises rest when we are weary. Rest, when the work is done.
I hope you can see through my mess and hear the message. We all long for home. Not our Earthly homes, but our heavenly ones. But there is much to do before we get there. And, we can't do His work, if we're not present. I was blessed by my little wake up call today. In fact, my afternoon classes went great, and my mood was greatly transformed. I was there, and it's where I was intended to be. And when I got home, I had a greater appreciation for the rest it brought. Work isn't always fun. It's not always easy, and often drains us mentally and physically. But after the work is rest. A rest that is sufficient. A rest that takes away our need for auto pilot!
Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.—Ephesians 4:28
Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.—Proverbs 18:9
All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23
As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.
John 9:4
I did not want to go to school today. I'm not sure why, it was a pretty easy day to tell the truth. I guess I was just homesick. All day long, I wanted be home. I wanted peace, quiet, rest, comfort. But, I was stuck. There was work to do. So, at luch I decided to get away from the noise and eat luch at sonic. I sat in my car with the radio off and just read a book. It was wonderful. When luch was over, I put my car in gear and took off. Auto pilot. Next thing I knew, I was almost to the highway headed home! It was a jarring experience. I had only been driving a few minutes, but my last conscious thought was the fact that it was time to go back to work. So, how did I end up on the highway headed home? I guess my subconscious REALLY wanted to go home! It's kind of funny, and I think we can all relate.
We've all done it. We're busy. we're lost in thought. We're making lists. We're replaying events. We're daydreaming. We're somewhere else. All of the sudden, we're there! Only, we don't remember how we got there, because we were stuck somewhere in between. Practice and habit seem to have taken over. Auto pilot. We're here, but how? Why? I know I've written about how we get too busy and lose focus. But sometimes it isn't just about being busy. We can lose focus just as easily when we're idle. We are flesh. Sometimes, we just want to take it easy. We don't want to have to do the hard work. We want to take the day off, and just rest. We want to go home. Because home is peace, love, comfort, rest, etc. Home is where we are free to be ourselves.
I'm not suggesting that longing for home is a bad thing. But when we get stuck on auto pilot, we allow our subconscious to deliver us to places we are not intended to be. My desire to go home today wasn't the problem. The problem, was that I let it consume me. I let it take me away from where I was. And where I was, was work. There was work to do. But, I wasn't there. I know it sounds strange, but follow me. We are called to be disciples on Earth. I'm not sure if you realized it, but being a disciple was work! It was rough. They were sent to spread the message of Christ in hostile places. They faces sickness, trials, and hardships. I know they were tired. But they didn't let their desires for rest take them away from the work they had to do. They could live in the present, because they lived in faith. A faith that promises rest when we are weary. Rest, when the work is done.
I hope you can see through my mess and hear the message. We all long for home. Not our Earthly homes, but our heavenly ones. But there is much to do before we get there. And, we can't do His work, if we're not present. I was blessed by my little wake up call today. In fact, my afternoon classes went great, and my mood was greatly transformed. I was there, and it's where I was intended to be. And when I got home, I had a greater appreciation for the rest it brought. Work isn't always fun. It's not always easy, and often drains us mentally and physically. But after the work is rest. A rest that is sufficient. A rest that takes away our need for auto pilot!
Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.—Ephesians 4:28
Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.—Proverbs 18:9
All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23
As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.
John 9:4
Monday, February 14, 2011
Have you heard
It's midnight, on a school night, and here I am. I can't sleep, bcause my mind is stuck in overdrive. So, I'm waving the white flag. I'm going to get it out in pursuit of the peace that follows.
I heard a good sermon today. Maybe that's not the right way to describe it. I didn't just hear a good sermon. It was more than sound waves and vibrations leading to neuron's firing and word recognition. It was more than showing up and receiving the message. I heard it. It wasn't merely a presentation of scriptures meant to teach a lesson. It was real. The words more more than language, they were alive. And they affected me deeply. Enough so, that they have consumed my thoughts all day, and led me here.
The lesson was based on the Sermon on the Mount. I can tell you what the lesson was supposed to be about, but that wouldn't really matter, because it lead me somewhere entirely different. It kind of amazing really. How one spoken word can trasform into something unique to each of us. The spirit within guides us to the place we need to be. And for me, I needed to go back. To the beginning. Not "THE" beginning. But, to the place of my rebirth. Most of you who know me, know that my blessings are infinite. I live a very charmed life. The white picket fence and 2.5 children are more than a fairy tale for me. I live through the gift of Grace. It's easy for me to shout Jesus from the rooftops, because I don't know adversity. So, I go back.
The past...whew...not exactly my favorite place. I, like so many others, made some pretty epic mistakes. Mistakes that scar in places that never show, and seem like they'll never heal. I, like so many others, tried to fill spiritual voids with physical matter. The harder we try to fill those voids, the farther we fall. Deeper into anger, shame, and hopelessness. One of my favorite songs right now is called "Beautiful" by Mercy Me. The opening verse says this:
The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
I think we've all been there. In that place of fear and uncertainty. Wanting to reach out, but guarding ourselves from rejection. Today's sermon took me back to the place where I let go. The place where I surrendered my understanding in return for Grace. The place where Christ's love was shared with me. As a recipient of that blessing, how can I not share that same blessing in return. I know this entry is a little scattered. It is certainly a good representation of my head right now! I'm not really sure where this post is leading.But I know that I'm being lead place where I can't sit idly. So often we accept defeat before the battle is waged. We are so afraid of failure or of doing something wrong that we choose to do nothing. We all remember our pasts, and we allow those memories to keep us from being Jesus now. "With all the mistakes I've made, who will ever listen to me?" right??? But that's just it. Because of those mistakes, we can understand the gift of grace. Because of those mistakes, we can connect with others who are living in the same dark shadows where we once lived. Because the love of Christ was shared with us, we can share it in turn. Because we have been forgiven of our pasts, we can help show others the future. We can't wait until we are perfect to share His message, because that day will never come. We can be the hands, and feet, and heart of Christ on his Earth now. We are called to be His disciples now. The present. Here...the place where the past has lead you. Wherever that may be.
I heard a good sermon today. Maybe that's not the right way to describe it. I didn't just hear a good sermon. It was more than sound waves and vibrations leading to neuron's firing and word recognition. It was more than showing up and receiving the message. I heard it. It wasn't merely a presentation of scriptures meant to teach a lesson. It was real. The words more more than language, they were alive. And they affected me deeply. Enough so, that they have consumed my thoughts all day, and led me here.
The lesson was based on the Sermon on the Mount. I can tell you what the lesson was supposed to be about, but that wouldn't really matter, because it lead me somewhere entirely different. It kind of amazing really. How one spoken word can trasform into something unique to each of us. The spirit within guides us to the place we need to be. And for me, I needed to go back. To the beginning. Not "THE" beginning. But, to the place of my rebirth. Most of you who know me, know that my blessings are infinite. I live a very charmed life. The white picket fence and 2.5 children are more than a fairy tale for me. I live through the gift of Grace. It's easy for me to shout Jesus from the rooftops, because I don't know adversity. So, I go back.
The past...whew...not exactly my favorite place. I, like so many others, made some pretty epic mistakes. Mistakes that scar in places that never show, and seem like they'll never heal. I, like so many others, tried to fill spiritual voids with physical matter. The harder we try to fill those voids, the farther we fall. Deeper into anger, shame, and hopelessness. One of my favorite songs right now is called "Beautiful" by Mercy Me. The opening verse says this:
The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
I think we've all been there. In that place of fear and uncertainty. Wanting to reach out, but guarding ourselves from rejection. Today's sermon took me back to the place where I let go. The place where I surrendered my understanding in return for Grace. The place where Christ's love was shared with me. As a recipient of that blessing, how can I not share that same blessing in return. I know this entry is a little scattered. It is certainly a good representation of my head right now! I'm not really sure where this post is leading.But I know that I'm being lead place where I can't sit idly. So often we accept defeat before the battle is waged. We are so afraid of failure or of doing something wrong that we choose to do nothing. We all remember our pasts, and we allow those memories to keep us from being Jesus now. "With all the mistakes I've made, who will ever listen to me?" right??? But that's just it. Because of those mistakes, we can understand the gift of grace. Because of those mistakes, we can connect with others who are living in the same dark shadows where we once lived. Because the love of Christ was shared with us, we can share it in turn. Because we have been forgiven of our pasts, we can help show others the future. We can't wait until we are perfect to share His message, because that day will never come. We can be the hands, and feet, and heart of Christ on his Earth now. We are called to be His disciples now. The present. Here...the place where the past has lead you. Wherever that may be.
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