Dying to Live

I like to read.  In fact, I like to re-read books, because I always find things I missed the first time.  I recently re-read a book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller.  This isn't the first time I've re-read the book.  I often read it whenever I need to find a little hope.  In the book, Miller details his experience of finding a tangible Christ in the midst of a sinful world.  Many of you know about the turmoil in our church, and know how hard it has been on everyone involved.  So, upon hiring a new preacher, I wanted to read the book and find some of the encouragement it always seems to offer.  You know what I mean, make myself feel better because I was right and everyone else was wrong, but I'm going to move forward and take the high road, because that's what I'm supposed to do!  Right?  Off I go.  Reading frantically, waiting for that "aha" moment of inspiration, secretly feeding my own agenda, and patting myself of the back, telling myself  how I'm going to forgive those people who hurt me.  Not just forgive them, but love them!  Looking back it's no surprise that my moment of edification didn't come.  After I read the book, I actually felt depressed instead of inspired.  What the heck? Instead of God using this book to speak to me of all the things I've done right, I felt called out.  Here's the quote that kept nagging at my soul:

"If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus." 

Ruminate on that for a moment.  I've been stuck on it for days, and I don't imagine it's going away any time soon.   What if my motives have been self serving all along.  I clothe myself in Jesus, but my focus is on how it looks on me.  It's not always comfortable, so I cover it with a jacket.  When I go out, I know it's there, but no one else can see it.  What do you do when something fundamental like this is eating at you?  Well, I start looking for answers.  The story of the rich young ruler (Luke 8) immediately comes to my mind.  He's willing to follow all the rules to follow Jesus.  But, when it came down to truly giving up his own desires, to giving up himself, the love of his possessions proved to be greater than the love of his Father.  Here are a few of my other favorite verses on Jesus' desire for us to die to ourselves.

Matthew 16:24-25 "Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

Philippians 3:8 "Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,"

Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

As much as I try to make it, and want it to be sometimes, it's just not about me!  I got so annoyed when Travis was playing mariachi music on the computer the other night.  He loves it!  Me, not so much.  Why won't he listen to what "I" like?!  I'm spoiled rotten.  Just like the Burger King Commercial says, "Have it your way".  I think our society revolves around that motto.  I know I do!  And that's the problem.  As Christians the point shouldn't be having it "our" way, but rather "His" way.  I've talked about giving things up before, but this is so much more than that.  In order for Christ to manifest in our lives, we have to move out so He can move in.  I don't mean just clean out the guest room so He'll have a place to visit.  I mean give Him your house!  Give Him yourself.  I know it's easier said than done.  It means letting go of the anger you may have inside.  It means letting go of that false sense of control that we all cling to.  It means, that I have to stop focusing on how I've been wronged and start thinking about how I can repair the wrongs I've done to others. The goal is to look in the mirror and see the face of God instead of our own.  To see Him, because we no longer exist!  It's a difficult concept/tasks, and it will take us a lifetime to get it.  But, when we do, the Kingdom of Heaven, of our Father awaits.