Silent witness

I know we've all heard the old saying, "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."  Well, I don't think that has ever been more true in my life than now.  To be honest, I've been frustrated lately.  Not one frustration in particular, but in everything.  I've thrown some pretty good pitty party's for myself to celebrate my frustration.  But, in all my frustration and confusion, I perservere in one request.  Each day I ask God to use me to make himself evident.  I ask him to put me in a position to share him with others.  I ask him to help me in making him my focus in my actions, not just words.  And, well....he is. 

I read a book recently by Eugene Peterson called, Tell it Slant.  It was awesome.  Peterson suggests that we focus not on traditional witness, but to share God in all of our conversation, even when we don't realize it.  Here are a few of my favorite quotes in the book.  Ruminate on them and see if they speak as loudly to you as they did me:

     In our urgency to get our message out, we depersonalize what we have to say into rote phrases or a progammatic formula without regard to the person we are meeting.

     I am interested in discerning the voice of God in the conversations that we enagage in when we are not intentionally thinking, "God". 

I have always struggled with witnessing to others.  I always worried that I would come off as too "churchy".  Or, I wondered if I would be unbelievable to people who knew how truly flawed I was.  Maybe we've been going about it all wrong.  How many people have been turned off by what feels like "Godspeak"?  Let me ask you this, do we share Christ without having to use the name of Jesus? 

It's not easy.  Witnessing this way requires us to live the love of Christ in such a way that others see and hear Him in us even when we don't.  It requires a reliance on the Holy Spirit to speak through you in ways that we cannot do alone.  This type of witness opens the door to a living experience of Christ's love in ways I never understood. Witness based on genuine relationships rather than empty words.  Even as I prayed those prayers, I didn't understand how they were being answered.  It was always my hope that others would see Christ in me, but I worried that my flawed nature would win out, and I would have to shout it from the rooftops before anyone believed I loved Jesus.  Boy was I wrong.  Because even with my little faith, Christ was speaking through me, and I didn't even know it.  His message was/is love, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, generosity, and so much more.  One of my students recently helped me realize just how much God is present and speaks when we are too noisy to hear it.  I have spent the last few weeks sharing with her. I do a lot of listening, and just a little talking.  I don't mention God over and over, but when I do, she clings to it.  I'm not just sharing my love of Christ, I am also being shown His love for me.

As I am beginning to realize my role in His kingdom work, I find my frustrations deminishing.  I am being rewarded by seeing his grace lived out in others.  I am being blessed by hearing his spirit.  By feeling/accepting his strengh in my weakness, because opening yourself to others is one of the most terrifying experiences ever.  It is also the most rewarding.  Remember that God is present in every situation whethere we acknowledge him or not.  And, he WILL use you to speak, even when you are not speaking.  So, be careful.  Because others see you, the real you, when you think no one is looking.  And, when those around you see Christ in you (even if they don't know it's him) they will seek him through you. And be prepared to share.  It may be time consuming and emotionally draining, but it is through these relationships that we don't just speak God, we deliver his love to our world.