Perfect Timing
Hmmmm...where to begin. Well, as you probably noticed it's been a LONG time since I've written. In fact, it's been almost exactly two years since my last post. You may have wondered why I wasn't writing anymore, or maybe not. I remember the first blog post I wrote. It was something that had been creeping into my head and invading my sleep for quite some time. I tried to express my thoughts verbally and textually, but for whatever reason, the words weren't coming together. So, I pushed it aside for a while longer and just repeated the process when I started losing sleep again. Ultimately, I knew that I would not find peace until I was able to get my feelings out. So I did. But, getting your thoughts onto paper versus making them available for others to scrutinize are two different things. So, it took me another little while to have the courage to share myself with others. Especially close friends. Because, let's face it, the judgment of strangers doesn't mean much to our personal worth. Anyways, here I go getting side tracked again! Back to the point...when I finally made my first post, I was scared to death, and unbelievably excited at the same time. This was a big move for me, and a long time coming. Who knew it would be such an ordeal to just write a few paragraphs. What I didn't understand then, was that I was trying to force God's hand. I was trying to make my time become His time. And try as I did, it never worked. But, when I surrendered my plan to His, it all suddenly came together. I guess that's why I was so nervous about that first post. It seemed like I was not in control. And truthfully, I wasn't. That's the great thing about it. After that first post, my mind continued to race, and God lead me down paths and gave me words I never expected in a million years. I was loving it. So, where does that leave me today? Good question.
A lot of you may think I just got tired of writing and decided to quit. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot more time consuming than I realized it would be! But, I didn't just decide to quit. The thoughts just kind of slowed down. I started sleeping more. I tried to keep writing for a while, but my posts became fewer and farther between. Again, I felt like I was trying to force God's hand. So, basically, I stopped writing and started living my life. I still had things I wanted to share with others, but the time wasn't right. As I settled into the normalcy of life with three kids, God started throwing curve balls my way! I was in my 9th year of teaching junior high. My husband was farming. My daughter was about to start 1st grade and the twins were gearing up for headstart. I was getting tired, or maybe restless I'm not quite sure. I wanted to stay home and be with my family more, but the timing wasn't right. It was a rough year on me emotionally and physically. No major trauma, but I was just feeling worn down by the grind and needed change. In January of last year, I had a slight health scare. Everything turned out okay, but it made Travis and I question a lot of things in our lives. I felt the need to be home with my kids, but financially it wasn't possible. Then, seemingly out of the blue two incredible things happened. Travis got a job and the Kiowa County Ag Extension Agent for Kiowa County, and I got PREGNANT!!!!! Finally, instead of trying to force a path for myself, I felt like God was flashing a giant neon arrow at me saying "This way please!" I had no choice but to follow.
What I understand as absolute truth is this. Our time is not ours. Our lives are not ours. It's so hard to accept the lack of control we have in God' plan for our lives, yet we must. The hours we spend in prayer begging are hard to swallow when the answer is, "not yet". We try so hard to display control over our own lives, and sometimes we succeed. Unfortunately, our success is always in vain and ultimately leads us in the wrong direction. His plan is perfect. His plan is exciting. His plan is rewarding. His plan is hard! His plan is hope and love and forgiveness. When we surrender ourselves to His plan, we are recipients of His grace and blessings beyond measure!
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give
you a future and a hope.
Proverbs 16:9
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
So this is where I am. I am now the mother of 4 beautiful babies and the wife of an amazing man. The youth pastor of an incredible group of young people at the First United Methodist Church in Hobart, Oklahoma. HAHAHA! I'm sorry, I get a kick out it still. Never in my wildest imagination, could I have ever dreamed up such a crazy and awesome life! And here I sit. At my desk. Writing words God has given me to share with you yet again. Following his perfect timing. How long will I keep the blog up this time? I have no clue! I just know that wherever He leads, I must follow. Join me.
