From the Pen of Insomnia

Are You a Fan or a Follower?

2011-03-11T15:14:00.001-06:00

"Polly, could you answer the door? Thanks sweetheart. Tell them I'll be right there." I said.
"Mom! Mom! Mom! You've got to hurry, it's Jesus!" she replies.  "He's here at our house! Hurry up mom!"
"Oh my gosh! Are you kidding me? Jesus? Here? How do I look? Oh, this house is such a mess!", I reply. "Nevermind. Just open the door."

"Jesus! Is it really you? I can't believe you came all this way. Did I win a contest or something?" I say. "Wow! I'm just in such shock right now. I can't believe you're actually here! So, what are you here for anyways?"

"Well, as you know I've been traveling for quite some time." he replies. "And I was just wondering if I could get a drink of water and use your restroom."
"Of course you can." I say. "Whatever you need Jesus! Can I fix you something to eat? Oh, please don't mind the state of my house. Things have been so busy lately, and I just haven't had time to clean."
"Oh, your house if just fine. I didn't really notice any mess. Just looks likes someone lives here."
He notices me staring so I say, "Sorry Jesus, I don't mean to gush or make you feel uncomfortable It's just that I've never had a celebrity in my own house. In fact, I'm not sure my friends are gonna believe this. Would you mind taking a picture with me?" He nods his head.  "Really? You don't mind? Could you sign it too? Wow! Sorry I keep saying that, but I mean WOW! Thanks Jesus." I'm awestruck.
.
"So, what brings you by this way?" I ask.
"Work." he replies. "I've just been carrying this cross around the world trying to share it with all of my children who are in need."
"In need of what?" I ask.
"Anything." he says. "Some need love, hope, understanding, forgiveness, food, shelter, a friend, money, compassion, healing, reprimand, laughter. Whatever they need. I provide."
"No wonder you're tired Jesus. I can't imagine how exhausting that must be."

A moment passes. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask.
"Funny you should ask. That's really why I'm here." Jesus says.  "Like I said before, I've been carrying this cross everywhere. It's dirty, covered in blood, and my hands are full of splinters. I'm so tired, but I have so much more work to do. I was wondering if you could help me?"
I can't believe what I'm hearing. Jesus wants me!  "Sure Jesus. I love that cross. Without it, you would have never come here." I say. "You name it, and I'll do it. I'm a pretty good cook. Would that help? How about money? I think I could scrape up some extra this month."
"Well, actually Leslea, I was hoping you would come with me." he says.

Silence...

"What do you mean come with you?"
"I mean just what I said. I want you to come with me. My cross is heavy, and like I said these splinters hurt pretty bad. I don't need you to carry the entire thing, just pick up the end and follow me."
"Hmmmmm." I contemplate. "Oh man. Jesus, I'm flattered really I am. But, gee. I'm not sure. How far did you say you were going?"
"Throughout my creation."
"That far huh? Well, I'd really need to talk to my husband first. Plus, I just got cast in this muscial. I can't just quit. Those people are depending on me. I actually have a pretty important part. It's also the last nine weeks of school. That means CRT tests are coming up. I can't leave the kids. I have to help get them prepared. Not to mention Polly's graduation and zoo field trip. There's no way I could miss those."
"Oh, I see." he replies.

"I'm sorry Jesus. It's not that I don't want to help. It's just that now's not the best time. Maybe I could do something else to help. I may even have some friends who I could call that would want to follow you." I suggest.
"Oh, okay. Well, thanks anyways. Oh, and thanks for the water. I think I better get back on the road."
"Okay Jesus. I can't thank you enough for stopping by. And thanks again for the picture. I can't tell you how big of a fan I am. I mean, what you did, the sacrifice you made, that was truly amazing. Maybe I'll see you around again sometime."
"Of course you will Leslea. I'm never far. All you have to do is call."
After he leaves. I look down at the picture smiling. It says, "To Leslea. My number one fan!"

Do you love the cross or carry it? How far will you go? What will you risk? Are you a fan or a follower?

Creator

2011-02-23T22:39:00.001-06:00

In an effort to get back in gear and running again, I traded in my elliptical machine for a treadmill. As I ran, Luke kept coming into the room and asking for his turn. Finally, when I was done, I told him he could hop on and take a shot at it. I was hot, so I opened the back door and did a little star gazing. Such a beautiful, clear night. Absolutely breathtaking. Sparkling stars, cool breeze, and the smell of coming rain in the air. Doesn't get much better than that. But I managed to pull myself away and turn back around to face inside. I wanted to keep a close eye on Luke. And when I looked at him, I was frozen. Transfixed. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He didn't have a shirt on, only pants. His arms were stretched outwards on each side hanging on to the handles. Every step he took his little musles moved in rhythm. His ribs stretched. His spine turned. His shoulders contracted. And the dimples on his back just above his little tooshy were the sweetest thing of all. And there I stood. Glued to this work of art. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought of my creator. My father who turned a simple cell into my son. As I reflected on that, A star cought my eye. And I lost my breath. Pure awe for my creator.

It's kind of funny and sad at the same time. Most of us live our lives in search of knowledge. We want to know more. More than we knew before, and certainly more than anyone else. What a futile search. Immediately Isaiah 55:8-9 come to my mind:

8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
9: "As the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thougths higher than your thoughts."

We want to know it all, but we can't. Many scientists, geniuses in fact, devote their entire lives trying to figure out the why and how of the universe. They look for proof. Measureable facts and figures that lead to concrete solutions. But, the final explanaiton eludes them. Because it's too much. We can't understand the thoughts of God who creates the heavens from a molecule. We can't understand the mind of a God who creates live from a single cell. A cell that inherently knows how to multiply and differentiate into complete organisms. But we keep looking for the answers. And eventually our search for knowledge of creation separates us for the masterful hand of our maker.

Psalms 111:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

1 Corintians 1:18-25 tells us this, 18 "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”20 Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. "

If we want to gain wisdom. We have to first understand that we are not capable of understanding. If we want to become wise, we need to walk in a faith that the God who created the heavens and the Earth will provide all the wisdom we need. We are so small, yet our pastor cares for us. He nurtures us, and we grow in His wisdom. And who are we to question a wisdom like that?

Auto Pilot

2011-02-22T17:57:00.001-06:00

Today was a little strange. Not sure why, but my mood was a little funky. It's kind of hard to explain, but sometimes strange moods can lead to strange events. And today's strange event lead me to some new reflections and realizations.

I did not want to go to school today. I'm not sure why, it was a pretty easy day to tell the truth. I guess I was just homesick. All day long, I wanted be home. I wanted peace, quiet, rest, comfort. But, I was stuck. There was work to do. So, at luch I decided to get away from the noise and eat luch at sonic.  I sat in my car with the radio off and just read a book. It was wonderful. When luch was over, I put my car in gear and took off. Auto pilot. Next thing I knew, I was almost to the highway headed home! It was a jarring experience. I had only been driving a few minutes, but my last conscious thought was the fact that it was time to go back to work. So, how did I end up on the highway headed home? I guess my subconscious REALLY wanted to go home! It's kind of funny, and I think we can all relate.

We've all done it. We're busy. we're lost in thought. We're making lists. We're replaying events. We're daydreaming. We're somewhere else. All of the sudden, we're there! Only, we don't remember how we got there, because we were stuck somewhere in between. Practice and habit seem to have taken over. Auto pilot. We're here, but how? Why? I know I've written about how we get too busy and lose focus. But sometimes it isn't just about being busy. We can lose focus just as easily when we're idle.  We are flesh. Sometimes, we just want to take it easy. We don't want to have to do the hard work. We want to take the day off, and just rest. We want to go home. Because home is peace, love, comfort, rest, etc. Home is where we are free to be ourselves.

I'm not suggesting that longing for home is a bad thing.  But when we get stuck on auto pilot, we allow our subconscious to deliver us to places we are not intended to be. My desire to go home today wasn't the problem. The problem, was that I let it consume me. I let it take me away from where I was. And where I was, was work. There was work to do. But, I wasn't there. I know it sounds strange, but follow me. We are called to be disciples on Earth. I'm not sure if you realized it, but being a disciple was work! It was rough. They were sent to spread the message of Christ in hostile places. They faces sickness, trials, and hardships. I know they were tired. But they didn't let their desires for rest take them away from the work they had to do. They could live in the present, because they lived in faith. A faith that promises rest when we are weary. Rest, when the work is done.

I hope you can see through my mess and hear the message.  We all long for home. Not our Earthly homes, but our heavenly ones. But there is much to do before we get there. And, we can't do His work, if we're  not present. I was blessed by my little wake up call today. In fact, my afternoon classes went great, and my mood was greatly transformed. I was there, and it's where I was intended to be. And when I got home, I had a greater appreciation for the rest it brought. Work isn't always fun. It's not always easy, and often drains us mentally and physically. But after the work is rest. A rest that is sufficient. A rest that takes away our need for auto pilot!

Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.—Ephesians 4:28

Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.—Proverbs 18:9

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23

As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.
John 9:4

Have you heard

2011-02-14T00:21:00.000-06:00

It's midnight, on a school night, and here I am. I can't sleep, bcause my mind is stuck in overdrive. So, I'm waving the white flag. I'm going to get it out in pursuit of the peace that follows.

I heard a good sermon today. Maybe that's not the right way to describe it. I didn't just hear a good sermon. It was more than sound waves and vibrations leading to neuron's firing and word recognition. It was more than showing up and receiving the message. I heard it. It wasn't merely a presentation of scriptures meant to teach a lesson. It was real. The words more more than language, they were alive. And they affected me deeply. Enough so, that they have consumed my thoughts all day, and led me here.

The lesson was based on the Sermon on the Mount. I can tell you what the lesson was supposed to be about, but that wouldn't really matter, because it lead me somewhere entirely different. It kind of amazing really. How one spoken word can trasform into something unique to each of us. The spirit within guides us to the place we need to be. And for me, I needed to go back. To the beginning. Not "THE" beginning. But, to the place of my rebirth. Most of you who know me, know that my blessings are infinite. I live a very charmed life. The white picket fence and 2.5 children are more than a fairy tale for me. I live through the gift of Grace. It's easy for me to shout Jesus from the rooftops, because I don't know adversity. So, I go back.

The past...whew...not exactly my favorite place. I, like so many others, made some pretty epic mistakes. Mistakes that scar in places that never show, and seem like they'll never heal. I, like so many others, tried to fill spiritual voids with physical matter. The harder we try to fill those voids, the farther we fall. Deeper into anger, shame, and hopelessness. One of my favorite songs right now is called "Beautiful" by Mercy Me. The opening verse says this:

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

I think we've all been there. In that place of fear and uncertainty. Wanting to reach out, but guarding ourselves from rejection. Today's sermon took me back to the place where I let go. The place where I surrendered my understanding in return for Grace. The place where Christ's love was shared with me. As a recipient of that blessing, how can I not share that same blessing in return. I know this entry is a little scattered. It is certainly a good representation of my head right now! I'm not really sure where this post is leading.But I know that I'm being lead place where I can't sit idly. So often we accept defeat before the battle is waged. We are so afraid of failure or of doing something wrong that we choose to do nothing. We all remember our pasts, and we allow those memories to keep us from being Jesus now. "With all the mistakes I've made, who will ever listen to me?" right??? But that's just it. Because of those mistakes, we can understand the gift of grace. Because of those mistakes, we can connect with others who are living in the same dark shadows where we once lived. Because the love of Christ was shared with us, we can share it in turn. Because we have been forgiven of our pasts, we can help show others the future. We can't wait until we are perfect to share His message, because that day will never come. We can be the hands, and feet, and heart of Christ on his Earth now. We are called to be His disciples now. The present. Here...the place where the past has lead you. Wherever that may be.

Finding the Perfect Fit

2011-01-26T17:27:00.000-06:00

This morning was nothing out of the ordinary. It happens to me all of the time. But, for some reason, today it made me think. The suspense is killing you I'm sure. Ok, so here goes...I couldn't decide what to wear!!! Laugh it up! Go ahead. I know it's not very dramatic or life altering, but it's something every woman (and man if he admits it) deals with with alarming frequency. I tried on at least 5 different shirts and a few pairs of pants. Nothing I put on made me feel good. I was uncomforable. Each different outfit made me obsess about my tummy sticking out here, my sleeves being too short, it being too tight, or it being too baggy! AARRGGHH!!! I finally did settle on something that I was less than thrilled about wearing. I have to give a special thanks to my hubby for getting Polly ready for school, since I was too absorbed in my own vanity to worry about what she was wearing to school. I know you have all had similar mornings, but why was today different?

I have a new sister in Christ. She is soon to be moving to a new town, and I'm eager to help her get settled into a new church family so she will have the support she needs as she and her family transition. I can't tell you how excited I am to have her as my sister. She's had a hard path, and it was a long road that led her to the foot of the cross. It took a while for her to grasp the concept of grace. She was caught up in the world, and it's consequences. And, she was/is far from alone. We all get caught up in flesh. We want more stuff. We want to feel better. We harbor anger and resentment. And when we succumb to the world, we end up lost. We are unfulfilled. We are constantly searching for "it". The one thing. Only, we don't know what "the one thing" is.

When we're sick and doctors don't know what's wrong, they try different medications until a cure is found. Well, when we're caught up in the world and lost we try a lot of different ways to mask our distress. We feed away grief. We medicated away our emotional pains. We buy enough to hide our sorrow. We work to cover our inadequacies. No matter how hard we try, we find ourselves covered in sin. Filthy. Uncomfortable. We try again and again. New method after new method. But the results never change.

Fact is, no self medication can bring healing. We placate ourselves with temporary relief, but true healing comes from one place and one place only. Our heavenly father. Jehovah-Rophe. The Lord who heals. Remeber that feeling of finally slipping on the perfect dress? The one that feels so good it makes you smile? Not to mention it makes you look great too? The search is over. You can finally rest. Peace. Comfort. Joy. That's what awaits those who clothe themselves in our Saviour. We can stop looking for the magic cure or the perfect outfit, because we are healed. It doesn't take a miracle, or another trip to the shopping mall. All it takes is accepting the perfect love that was poured out to us through the perfect Son. Here are some of my favorite verses about the healing our God provides for His children. And here's my prayer for you all and hope that you find the perfect fit.

Proverbs 4:20-33, Psalm 107:19-21, Psalm 30:2, Isaiah 53:4-5, Psalm 147:3, Mat 9:20-22

Won't you be my love

2011-01-21T17:34:00.000-06:00

My desire is to live the love of Christ. But all to often I fail miserably. Look, I know Grace. I am a most grateful recipient. But, sometimes my small little mind just can't grasp the concept of getting something for nothing. So, I try to do more. Because, the more I do, the more I deserve what I get right???? Not only do I expect more from myself, by I project my expectations onto others. I know that's not the way it works, but sometimes it's hard to separate my lack of understanding from the truth. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is right? So here I am. Tired. Broken. Disappointed. Frustrated. Defeated. Angry. Not who I want to be. Not who I am called to be.

Today is Friday. I hit the alarm one time too many this morning. I just couldn't seem to get my engines going this morning. I fumbled through the process of getting ready, and made it to work on time, but my head was definitely not in the game. I was giving a test. That's a good thing, because It meant that I wouldn't have to repeat myself 1000 times, and still have people not hear me! I won't have to get mad because someone didn't have their homework. I wouldn't be rubbing my head or taking deep breaths to release some pressure. It's a test day. An easy day for the most part. I like to play music while the kids test, so I turned on one of my favorite bands. Have you ever played one of your favorite CD's and all of the sudden felt like you heard a song for the first time? Well, that's exactly what happened to me. I heard a song again for the first time. The song is by Mercy Me, and is called, "Won't You Be My Love." Here are some of the lyrics.

When you fall asleep tonight
In your warm and cozy room
Know that I'm awake
And I've got no shelter and no food
I am not alone
My friends are broke and lost
Looking for someone to lead them to my cross
I need your help, I need your help

Won't you be My voice calling
Won't you be My hands healing
Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won't you be My chain-breaker
Won't you be My peacemaker
Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love

It hit me like a ton of bricks! Even with all of my efforts, I am failing to share the most important thing of all. God did not ask me to do anything that he didn't do first. He isn't asking me to end world hunger, bring world pease, or cure cancer. All He's asking me to do is love. It sounds so simple, but it's so easy to lose focus. Our vision gets skewed by our own lack of understanding. Just like it's hard for us to accept God's love for the free gift that it is, it's hard for us to love freely. We like to attach regulations and expectations. So our love is no longer free. It is conditional. It is fleeting. That's why this song hit me so hard I think. It reminded me that we are not to share love born of ourselves, but to share the love of Christ. I'm not talking about a gushy, sweet, gooey kind of love. I'm talking about the love of a father. A love that gives everything but expects nothing in return. A love that comforts and heals, guides, and protects. A love that has no cost because it's value is immeasureable.

So, here's the truth. Love really does conquer all. When we allow ourselves to love freely, we are in turn freed from our anger and frustrations. I don't understand it. And that's okay. I just need to accept His love for the gift that it is. And can you imagine a greater gift? A more powerful or precious gift? It's a love that not only stands the test of time, but a love that is timeless. A love that ultimately overcame death and offers life. Not just eternal life, but life now. Hope now. Purpose now. How can we keep a gift like that to ourselves?

Some of my favorite verses/chapters about love: 1 Corintians 13, Colossians 3:14, 1 Peter 4:8, 1John 3:16-18, 1 John 4:8, John 15:13

Peace Out!

2010-12-09T19:41:00.001-06:00

Hello there! Welcom back! Yes, I'm talking to you, (and me too). I feel like a owe you somewhat of an explanation for my delay in writing. The beginning of this school year was rather difficult for me. The loss of my precious grandmother was something I was not emotionally prepared for, and her death had a profound effect of me just as her life did. Our church was experiencing the aftershocks of some very difficult changes . I know those issues may not seem as monumental as they felt, but it was not the way I planned on starting my year. To top it off, my firstborn, Polly Kate, started Kindergarten! How did that happen? Where have the last five years gone?

In the hustle and bustle of life, I think I've gotten off track. I felt emotionally overwhelmed and physically drained. Instead of trying to ground myself in Christ's love, I got caught up. We get ahead of ourselves. We get lost in the struggle. By the time we realize what's happening, we're stuck in the web of complacency.

When we realize where we are, we often try to simplify our lives by removing distractions. The problem is, we often don't remove the true obstacles. When I was tired, I decided that I should get more sleep. Seems logical right? But, instead of going to bed earlier, I found myself hitting the snooze and sacrificing my quiet time with the Prince of Peace. That name should mean something to us. It is significant. I can't tell you how much of an impact it made when I shared the first fruits of my day with Jesus. My time of peace with him each morning kept me centered throughout the day. But my neglect of that time robbed me of my peace. I was tense and irritable. Instead of molding my day around our time together, I found myself trying to squeeze God into my free time. Between school, dinner, baths, Jewelry, books, music lessons, etc. Turns out, I don't have any free time!

There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Regardless of how I tried to shut him out. God's love never failed me. I was never alone, even when I tried to convince myself of such. We all get off track. Different circumstances may breed turmoil, but the results are the same. This feeling of of suffocation, wondering where our next breath will come from. The need for harmony, order, and reconciliation can only lead us back to the Prince of Peace.

And what better time of year to help bring things into perspective. Christ was a marked man from birth. Our fleeting problems cannot even begin to compare to his struggles. A life of duress. Yet, the man who was maked for death, overcame and offers life. His birth wasn't just a display of the miracle of life. His birth made the miracle of love possible. In that love, lies the peace we seek so desperately. A peace that comes when we stop trying so hard to attain it.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Drinkin' Salsa

2010-09-02T18:35:00.000-05:00

Summertime brings with it a few certainties. Sunshine, heat, more heat, swimming pools, watermelon, and our garden. And every year, my husband asks for fresh homemade salsa from our garden veggies. So, I obliged and made him a giant bowl of salsa last week.   And it was good! Please don't think I'm tooting my own horn here, but all of those sweet/tangy tomatoes, peppers, onions...there's no way it could have been bad. Anyways, Logan saw the salsa and asked for his own bowl and some chips to dip. Again, I obliged, and Logan set forth on his mission to devour the chips and salsa. A few minutes later, he came back and asked for more salsa. I filled his bowl but noticed that he still had lots of chips. When I looked back over, Logan wasn't bothering to dip his chips, he was just drinking the salsa! It was too cute, and sure made his daddy proud!

After I finished laughing at my little man, I got to thinking.   You know, there were some pretty hot peppers in that salsa. I even warned him that the green peppers might be too hot for him to eat. Maybe it would be best if he didn't eat those. He may have followed my advice for a few minutes, but his worry was soon overtaken by the goodness of the salsa. And despite the risk, he just couldn't get enough. Green peppers and all.

As Christians, why don't we drink Jesus in like Logan drank his salsa? Why is it that we are often perfectly content to dip our chips. Of course we need a little Jesus to get to heaven, but let's not get carried away, right? I mean, what about those green peppers? We want our Jesus in small manageable doses. We're so scared of losing control that we miss the full goodness of his love and service. We speak of faith, but won't eat the green peppers. We work hard to appear righteous, so we take a dip in Jesus. Never giving up control, never fully trusting. The salsa still tastes pretty good, but we're not truly experiencing all of the flavors. We may even tell others about this great tasting salsa. But, just like I warned Logan about the pepers, sometimes we hurt our witness by limiting God's love.  I don't think we do it consciously, but it happens just the same.

So what do we do then? Drink up. Stop worrying about burning our mouths on the peppers. Isn't that where the flavor comes from anyways? When we give up this false sense of control, we learn what it means to live in the love of Christ. And when we drink Him in, others see Him in us. Not merely in our empty words, but in our lives. They see him in our actions, in our gestures, in our words(though often not intentionally), and in our love for those who need. When we drink him in, there is joy, peace, and harmony. When we drink Him in, there are no limits or fear, just complete goodness. And, I'm so thankful that no matter how much I consume, I'll never run out, and never stop wanting more. So, fill 'er up! It's good I promise!

Reflections of Love

2010-08-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

I have been debating wheter or not to write about this, because I know my words will not be adequate. But, I know that I have to try, because that's what she would have wanted.

I believe that there is beauty to be found in all things. But, every once in a while, God creates something greater. Something that is capable of so much more than you or me. Something Angelic. That's exactly what he did the day he breathed the breath of life into my grandmother Polly. He sent one of His angels to dwell among us. Her life on Earth may be gone, but her spirit of love will live in the lives of those she touched.

I'm blessed. I've spent 31 amazing years being touched by my grandmother's love. Even though they lived an hour away, my mom made sure we visitied at least every other week. In the summers, I would basically go live with my grandma and grandpa. Grandma would make huge pallets on the floor for me and all of my cousins to sleep on when we would visit. We would always stay up talking until grandpa would come in and holler at us to be quiet!!! In the morning, we would wake to a breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. After breakfast, grandma would head to the sewing room to work on her latest project. I say projects, but I should say masterpieces. I've never known anyone with such a creative eye. She always knew exactly what colors were needed to make the perfect quilt or to paint the perfect picture. She was an amazing artist. Lunch was another full course meal. We ate in the living room while grandma watched her shows. Then back to sewing or maybe a nap. At five o'clock, we would eat dinner. Pop ate at the bar and watched Wheel of Fortune while we all ate at the table and played games. Upwords was one of her favorites. She taught me every card game I know. Spades, Canasta, and she loved to play old Saul...otherwise known Solitaire. I remember one particular time we were playing dominoes. She was beating my socks off, which happened quite frequently. When it came to games, she showed no mercy. After beating me horribly several games in a row, she gently patted my hand and in her softest voice said, "oh honey, you'll do better next time." When we got to loud playing games, pop would turn the tv volume waaaay up, to let us know we were too loud, but grandma would just smile and giggle. She loved being with us, almost as much as we loved being with her. We used to pick up rocks along the road when we would take walks together. After my daughter was born, she surprised me by giving me some of the rocks she had saved from our walks. It was always the littlest things that brought her the most joy. While doing my student teaching, I lived with my grandparents. During that time, our relationship began to change. We went from being just a grandmother and granddaughter, to being great friends.

As I grew up in her love, I began to learn things about life that must be shown not told. You know, in the 31 years of my life, I cannot recall one single instance where she complained or spoke harshly of someone. Not one single time. She never wasted a minute of life. She was always busy and faced each day with a smile on her face. If you ever asked her how she was, she was "fine", even when she wasn't. One of my favorite pictures of her was coming out of a doctors appointment after learning that her cancer had returned. Her smile was indescribable. She was absolutely glowing. My grandma also led me in a great deal of spiritual growth. I loved to sit with her in church and rub her hands. Just like her spirit and her smile, they were incredibly soft. I loved to listen to her prayers, becuase her words were so beautiful. She truly knew her heavenly father. She was always so thankful for what she had. Even when it was little or difficult. I know God waited anxiously to hear from her each day.

Galatians 5:22-23 was written about my grandma. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." She exemplified each one of these virtues every moment of her life. Her relationship with God was such that her spirit was one with His. Her needs were never put above those of anyone else. She loved endlessly. She shared Jesus. Not with her words. It wasn't necessary. She shared Jesus by sharing his love with others. If you met her, then you felt the love of God. You were changed.

I am truly blessed. I am blessed to have been loved by my grandma Polly. I am blessed with countless memories of her grace and joy. I am blessed to have beautiful family and a daughter that bears her name. I was blessed to know her spirit, and I live witht he hope that I will be blessed to meet her again.

Dying to Live

2010-05-18T13:09:00.005-05:00

I like to read. In fact, I like to re-read books, because I always find things I missed the first time. I recently re-read a book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. This isn't the first time I've re-read the book. I often read it whenever I need to find a little hope. In the book, Miller details his experience of finding a tangible Christ in the midst of a sinful world. Many of you know about the turmoil in our church, and know how hard it has been on everyone involved. So, upon hiring a new preacher, I wanted to read the book and find some of the encouragement it always seems to offer. You know what I mean, make myself feel better because I was right and everyone else was wrong, but I'm going to move forward and take the high road, because that's what I'm supposed to do! Right? Off I go. Reading frantically, waiting for that "aha" moment of inspiration, secretly feeding my own agenda, and patting myself of the back, telling myself how I'm going to forgive those people who hurt me. Not just forgive them, but love them! Looking back it's no surprise that my moment of edification didn't come. After I read the book, I actually felt depressed instead of inspired. What the heck? Instead of God using this book to speak to me of all the things I've done right, I felt called out. Here's the quote that kept nagging at my soul:

"If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus."

Ruminate on that for a moment. I've been stuck on it for days, and I don't imagine it's going away any time soon. What if my motives have been self serving all along. I clothe myself in Jesus, but my focus is on how it looks on me. It's not always comfortable, so I cover it with a jacket. When I go out, I know it's there, but no one else can see it. What do you do when something fundamental like this is eating at you? Well, I start looking for answers. The story of the rich young ruler (Luke 8) immediately comes to my mind. He's willing to follow all the rules to follow Jesus. But, when it came down to truly giving up his own desires, to giving up himself, the love of his possessions proved to be greater than the love of his Father. Here are a few of my other favorite verses on Jesus' desire for us to die to ourselves.

Matthew 16:24-25 "Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

Philippians 3:8 "Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,"

Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

As much as I try to make it, and want it to be sometimes, it's just not about me! I got so annoyed when Travis was playing mariachi music on the computer the other night. He loves it! Me, not so much. Why won't he listen to what "I" like?! I'm spoiled rotten. Just like the Burger King Commercial says, "Have it your way". I think our society revolves around that motto. I know I do! And that's the problem. As Christians the point shouldn't be having it "our" way, but rather "His" way. I've talked about giving things up before, but this is so much more than that. In order for Christ to manifest in our lives, we have to move out so He can move in. I don't mean just clean out the guest room so He'll have a place to visit. I mean give Him your house! Give Him yourself. I know it's easier said than done. It means letting go of the anger you may have inside. It means letting go of that false sense of control that we all cling to. It means, that I have to stop focusing on how I've been wronged and start thinking about how I can repair the wrongs I've done to others. The goal is to look in the mirror and see the face of God instead of our own. To see Him, because we no longer exist! It's a difficult concept/tasks, and it will take us a lifetime to get it. But, when we do, the Kingdom of Heaven, of our Father awaits.

Storm Season

2010-05-13T21:25:00.001-05:00

I love the spring! Hands down, it is my favorite time of year. Not for the typical reasons like blooming flowers, green grass, rebirth of life, etcetera, etcetera. Not even for the possibility of improving my golf game (although that ranks pretty high!). Nope, the reason I love spring so much is because it brings storms. If it weren't for my family and need for a steady income, I'd hit the road and chase storms year round! I can think of few things that are a greater display of God's power, love, and grace all at the same time. Maybe that last statement seems like a stretch to you, but allow me to explain. Please forgive the short science lesson. I'll try to keep it short, but you all know how I tend to ramble, so I make no promises!

Thunderstorms start when warm humid spring air gets forced upwards by incoming cold air. As the air rises, it cools and condenses forming clouds. This proces off updraft can happen over and over within the cloud creating large raindrops and hail. Those clouds may look soft and fluffy, but actually they're far from it! Their interiors are full of turmoil! Water particles violenty collide with ice particles and become charged particles called hydrometeors. The larger negative particles go to the bottom of the cloud and small positive charges go to the top. This separation of charges is the fuel behind lighting. The more the charges separate, the greater the potential release of energy is. So, the cloud is building and building and building until....BANG!!!! Lightning strikes. Finally, all of those charges that were separated come back together restoring the natural balance. Rain falls, lightning strikes, and temperatures mix until the atmosphere is once again in balance. Okay, I know that was kind of long, but stick with me.

Lately, my life has felt like one giant thunderstorm. As a teacher, spring time is pure insanity! Something is going on every night of the week. Students are bouncing off the walls impatiently awating the end of school. They're no more interested in school than in having a root canal! It's also a busy time of year for my jewelry business. Trying to get enough pieces made for art shows throughout the summer is time consuming to say the least. Not to mention trying to keep up with our new website. Then there's church. It's been a roller coster of emotions. Lots of differing OPINIONS (mine included) have caused a great disturbance in the church. I feel like we've been one giant thundercloud. Everone in a different place, with nothing but tension and anger in the middle.

Romans 8:18-25
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. 22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Just like the Earth cries out to it's creator to bring it peace and restoration, I have cried out and prayed for the same in my life and His church. Here's the thing about storms. They're powerful! We've all seen images of tornado damage. Homes made of brick and mortar ripped to shreds by an invisible power. The storms in our life can leave the same kind of damage. They might not be caused by physical conditions, but they do stem from our inability to accept our differences. Instead of embracing them, and using them for His Kingdom, we allow them to separate us leaving a wake of destruction behind. But, the storm itself, in all of its awesome power, isn't really the point. Although it can be breathtaking, the true beauty is what comes after the storm. Calm. Peace. Restoration. Healing. We see it on television all the time. Every time they interview storm vicitms, we find people coming together for a common good. Loving one another. It's been a tough year for our church. Lines were drawn in the sand, and people were hurt. There were casualties, that may never be repaired. But, God's grace is most evident after the storm. I believe these trials, as difficult as they are, should be treasured as opportunities to witness the love and peace of Christ. I have high hopes. Hopes for my personal life, for my family, for His church. But mostly I have hope, that whatever changes, whatever storms we meet along the way, we don't face them in fear. But rather we embrace the opportunity to see the power, beauty, love, and grace of our Father who longs to bring us peace in Him, just as he does for all of his creation. Thanks to the storm, I see a brighter day ahead.

Silent witness

2010-04-21T21:24:00.001-05:00

I know we've all heard the old saying, "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." Well, I don't think that has ever been more true in my life than now. To be honest, I've been frustrated lately.  Not one frustration in particular, but in everything. I've thrown some pretty good pitty party's for myself to celebrate my frustration. But, in all my frustration and confusion, I perservere in one request. Each day I ask God to use me to make himself evident. I ask him to put me in a position to share him with others. I ask him to help me in making him my focus in my actions, not just words. And, well....he is.

I read a book recently by Eugene Peterson called, Tell it Slant. It was awesome. Peterson suggests that we focus not on traditional witness, but to share God in all of our conversation, even when we don't realize it. Here are a few of my favorite quotes in the book. Ruminate on them and see if they speak as loudly to you as they did me:

     In our urgency to get our message out, we depersonalize what we have to say into rote phrases or a progammatic formula without regard to the person we are meeting.

     I am interested in discerning the voice of God in the conversations that we enagage in when we are not intentionally thinking, "God".

I have always struggled with witnessing to others. I always worried that I would come off as too "churchy". Or, I wondered if I would be unbelievable to people who knew how truly flawed I was. Maybe we've been going about it all wrong. How many people have been turned off by what feels like "Godspeak"? Let me ask you this, do we share Christ without having to use the name of Jesus?

It's not easy. Witnessing this way requires us to live the love of Christ in such a way that others see and hear Him in us even when we don't. It requires a reliance on the Holy Spirit to speak through you in ways that we cannot do alone.  This type of witness opens the door to a living experience of Christ's love in ways I never understood. Witness based on genuine relationships rather than empty words. Even as I prayed those prayers, I didn't understand how they were being answered. It was always my hope that others would see Christ in me, but I worried that my flawed nature would win out, and I would have to shout it from the rooftops before anyone believed I loved Jesus. Boy was I wrong. Because even with my little faith, Christ was speaking through me, and I didn't even know it. His message was/is love, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, generosity, and so much more.  One of my students recently helped me realize just how much God is present and speaks when we are too noisy to hear it.  I have spent the last few weeks sharing with her. I do a lot of listening, and just a little talking. I don't mention God over and over, but when I do, she clings to it. I'm not just sharing my love of Christ, I am also being shown His love for me.

As I am beginning to realize my role in His kingdom work, I find my frustrations deminishing.  I am being rewarded by seeing his grace lived out in others. I am being blessed by hearing his spirit. By feeling/accepting his strengh in my weakness, because opening yourself to others is one of the most terrifying experiences ever.  It is also the most rewarding. Remember that God is present in every situation whethere we acknowledge him or not. And, he WILL use you to speak, even when you are not speaking. So, be careful. Because others see you, the real you, when you think no one is looking. And, when those around you see Christ in you (even if they don't know it's him) they will seek him through you. And be prepared to share.  It may be time consuming and emotionally draining, but it is through these relationships that we don't just speak God, we deliver his love to our world.

I'm a Hypocrite!

2010-04-12T10:59:00.001-05:00

Last week in class, we were discussing the universe, earth, etc., and the conversation veered away from academics and towards something spiritual. I often have students ask about my beliefs, and often they are surprised that my scientific understanding does not interfere or dissect my faith. And every year it makes me ask myself, what are we teaching others about the Kingdom of God?

During this conversation, one student brought up relevant argument that many people claim to be Christians, yet are very hypocritical in their actions. The right side of their mouth doesn't agree with the left. Hipocricy has been a problem that has plagued Christianity since it's foundation. So, it makes sense that we should all be very good at it by now! I don't use the word ALL lightly either. Because, at times, yes ALL of us contradict ourselves. None of us are infallible. We all do or say things, that we know go against what we believe. This is what I call sin. So yes we are all hypocrites, because yes, we all sin. Here's where my thoughts may differ from others. Being a hypocrite isn't a reason not to follow Christ, it is the very reason TO follow Him!!!

If all of us are hypocritical at times, then why are so many people turned off by us "Christians". Well, I think the answer lies in our religious schooling. We are taught that it's bad to be a hypocrite. And, to an extent, it is. At the same time, it is inevitable. I see so many young people who are excited about the message, but they don't truly understand what it means to follow Christ. They are taught to be perfect. They are taught to judge right from wrong not only in themselves, but in others. They are taught about the things you must DO and SAY and how you must ACT in order to be a Christian!!! And, when they can't keep up the charade, and finally get real, they look like hypocrites. It makes me want to scream sometimes. Why aren't we teaching others the truth???

The truth is, no one is perfect. And, if you're striving to live the perfect life, then your focus is off. It's not about living perfection, but about living the love of Jesus. Let's teach our kids the error isn't in being a hypocrite, but in claiming not to be! Let's teach Grace! Let's teach our kids about the real Jesus! Not the story book one, who was soft and cuddly, but the one who was honest, and real. Let's tell them about the Jesus who didn't always tell you what you wanted to hear. The one who said love each other, don't judge! The one who isn't fooled by the fake smile on our faces, but is moved by the genuine love of our hearts. Maybe if we all get real about our faith, and quit trying to impress each other with how good we can be, maybe we can experience the life of the Kingdom, as it was intended.

Food for Thought

2010-02-28T18:02:00.001-06:00

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about thinking. And, the more I think about it, the more I realize what an awesome thing thought can be! Maybe I'm not making a lot of sense, but think about it...our thoughts are constant like breath, even in sleep. They are often involuntary. Ideas pop into our heads for seemingly no rhyme nor reason. Thoughts also come like flashes of lightning. We think of something great, but five seconds later we can't remember what it was! I'm not sure why I've been thinking so much lately, but it has led me to a greater reverence of thought.

The concept of thought can be very contradictory at times. I mean, thinking is so easy, that we don't have to think about it to do it. Yet, as a teacher, one of the greatest challenges I face is getting my students to think. Not just gather knowledge and fill in a blank, but to dig deep. To be able to apply a concept to abstract situations, and see the big picture. So...it's easy, but it's hard!! Thoughts can also be contradictory in their moral nature. Good and bad. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "A man is what he thinks about all day long." That can be a great thing, or a really really scary thing!

So what are we to think about all of this thinking? Well, I think, like with every other gift we are given, we should handle it with care. No good or evil can come without thought.

Phillipians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Matthew 15:18-20 says, ""But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen
hands defileth not a man."

God longs for us to think. Not just about him, but about all of his creation. Jesus often spoke in parables, not to frustrate us or cause us to argue about the meaning, but because He wants us to THINK!!! He wants us to contemplate Him. Think about what it means to follow Him. To think like Him. To serve Him. To love like Him. He doesn't want us suffer from the shallowness of spoonfed religion, but to have a deeper understanding of God. And just as important as having a deeper understanding, is realizing that the more we know...the less we understand! Sounds backwards I know. But, the more I think about and learn about our creator, the more questions I have. But this process of thinking, asking, learning, thinking more creates intimacey, respect, and desire for more. This is the process we use to get to know one another, shouldn't we also use it to get to know our Lord?

Never forget that our thoughts have power...great power that is never to be taken for granted. The can and will control of us if we lose focus. So, think about what you're thinking about. Because the thoughts that grow in your mind can manifest in your life. Hmmm...just some food for thought.

Give it up!

2010-02-18T12:56:00.002-06:00

I read something cool in the news this week. Australian businessman, Karl Rabeder, is is giving away his $5.3 million dollar fortune to seek true happiness in life. Here's a link to his story if you want more delails. Karl Rebeder story. If you don't want to read it, here's the short and sweet. Rabeder is a self made millionaire who felt that more wealth and luxury would equal happiness. But happiness never came. Hard work and money would buy luxurious things, but they were never enough. So, he decided to get rid of it all! He said, "My idea is to have nothing left. Absolutely nothing. Money is counter-productive, it prevents happiness."

This story seems unbelievable in today's consumer driven society. And though we don't often admit it, none of us are immune to this sickness of materialism. At least I know I'm not! I've already decided that my next car needs to have built in GPS, leather heated seats and steering wheel!!! It's kind of funny to think about how dependent we are on "stuff". I think many of us learned that the hard way during our power outage. But, it's really not funny at all. We may think our stuff makes us happy, but the euphoria is temporary. Ever wondered why buyers remorse is so pandemic? So, if not stuff, where DO we find true happiness? I think you'll all know my answer. Of course...Jesus Christ. Talk about a man who gave it all up! H didn't give up a lot monetarily, but that's just because he didn't have any money to give. So, he gave what he had. Himself. His heart, His soul, His tears, His sweat, and ultimately, His life. What do we give for Him???

This story also tied into something else that's been on my mind lately. The season of Lent. Traditionally, Lend is a period of time leading up to Easter, when Christians prepare to commemorate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. There are may ways to observe Lent, but many Christians do so through prayer, self-denial, almsgiving, repentance, reflection, and soul-searching. The forty days are meant to represent the 40 days that Christ spent in the wilderness preparing for his ministry. During this time, Christ was immersed in communion with His heavenly father. Though traditionally a Catholic, Methodist, or Lutheran tradition, I want to encourage us all to observe lint this year.

We tend to get so caught up in life physically, emotionally, monetarily, etc. Let's get rid of it! I'm not telling you to sell all of your stuff like the Australian millionaire, but simplify. Reflect on a part of your life that consumes more of you than it should. Think about where your life focus is now. Is it on Jesus Christ? Is it really? If no, or I'm not sure was your answer, then why not? What's keeping you from the sweet peace offered by our Saviour? Whatever it is...GIVE IT UP!!! I want to encourage you to take your commitment one step farther and not just remove something, but replace it with Christ. I'm giving up my snooze button. I HATE mornings!!! I set the alarm 45 minutes early so I can ease out of my slumber. So, instead, I am going to get up and spend my first fruit of the day with Christ. I admit, I've tried this one before and failed miserably!!! Maybe you don't want to change the time of day you commune with our father. Maybe you just want to spend more time, or maybe more "real" time. Whatever you choose to do, be it prayer, meditation, reading, fasting, etcetera, I pray the outcome is fruitful. It's certainly not going to be easy, but let's encourage each other along the way. So, good luck! And here's to hope that you all experience more of Christ, by experiencing less of the world.

Being Church

2010-01-26T13:03:00.001-06:00

Every year at Christmas, I watch the Jim Carey version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It's weird how I notice different things about the movie each year that I never noticed before. This year, I didn't notice any new details specifically, but I did notice something even bigger.

It's Christmas time in Whoville. Everyone is hustling and bustling getting ready for the big day. It's a madhouse at the stores as everyone tries to buy last minute gifts. All the smiling faces tell us that everyone MUST be happy in Whoville...right? Well, everyone but two. Little Cindy Lou isn't just less than thrilled, she's downright sad! What's the point she thinks? What good are all these gifts? She sings the sweetest sadest song, "Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have you gone away?" Her parents try to cheer her up, but she's not buying it. She knows something is missing. Enter the Grinch. Whoville outcast. Scorned by society because he's just horrible! But that's not the real reason. He was just different. Because he looked and acted different, he was treated as such. He is hurt down to his core by the rejection of others, and secludes himself. Cindy reaches out to the Grinch, and though he is shocked, he rejects her. But, she doesn't quit. Time and again she tries, and he rejects. The more she tries the madder he gets. So, the Grinch steals Christmas...well the presents anyways. He thinks no presents equals no Christmas. Whoville will be destroyed. But that's not what hppends. In fact, it's Cindy Lou who shows him what Christmas is truly about. Not the presents, or pretty decorations, but rather the spirit of togetherness. Something that can't be stolen. The Grinch is moved, and Christmas is saved as they all hold hands and sing around the Christmas tree.

Long post, but stay with me...What if this isn't about Christmas at all, but rather it's about Church. Haven't we all wondered if there wasn't something more? Haven't we all thought what's the point? Just like the Who's bought presents, haven't we all gone to Church out of obligation? If Christmas isn't about presents, maybe Church isn't about attendance. Maybe it's something more. Think about this for a second...What if the Grinch stole your Church building? Would that be the end? Or, would you respond like Cindy Lou? Would the absence of the building reveal the true church? Replace the Christmas tree with Jesus, and let's sing around that!!! Isn't that how we find the true spirit of our church? It's not a building or a place, but it's US! Not an institution focused on finance, but a living body! It's our hearts and lives being lived out through Jesus Christ. If churches really followed that model, we wouldn't create Grinches by turning away those who are different from us. I know we all like to think that "our" church doesn't do that....but we do. It's just "human nature". That's the point too. The church shouldn't be led by human nature but rather by Christs' nature! So, everyone who reads this should go to their church and turn it upside down right??? Nope. I just want us all to look a little, actually a lot, deeper. I don't just think there's something more, I know it. But, how we get there is not our choice or will, but HIS! We try and turn our own grand ideas into His will with the best of intentions, then can't figure out why such a wonderful idea just didn't work.
Try to think about what it truly means to be a church. Literally and figuratively. Think on it. Pray on it, and if you're led, act on it! Just make sure the actions you take are based on His plan for the New You, not your own. This topic is going to take some time to go through. My thoughts are too scrambled to get to the point in just one post. As I organize my thoughts into something a little more coherant than this post, be thinking about what you believe a church is supposed to do or be. Please share your thoughts with me too. I love hearing from all of you.

New Year. New You?

2010-01-15T11:00:00.000-06:00

It's been a while, I know. The holiday season was beautifully simple, and a much needed escape from the chaos of my life. But, here we are, half way through January, and I find myself being sucked back into the swirling vortex of work, home, kids, church, appointments, etcetera, etcetera. While I didn't make any particular New Year's Resolutions, (they're just not my thing) I do have hope of simplifying my life a bit this year. That may be wishful thinking, but I'm going to think it none the less! I'm also making it a point to find time for myself amongst the madness. I want to learn how to play the guitar mom bought me 6 years ago! I'm also taking time to read. One of my favorite pastimes had become just that...the past! Thanks to my hubby (a.k.a. Santa), reading has become much more convenient with my new Kindle! Anytime I want a book, it's there at the click of a button! I love it!!!

So, I've been reading feverishly since Christmas. I started a book this week called "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore". As I started reading, I could definitely see parallels to things going on in our Church. Things that need to be "fixed". For instance, the way we focus on rules over love. Or the lack of action due to differing opinions. Even more critical points attacked our foundation. Do we really, truly understand who Jesus was? What else lies within our church walls? Within the heart of the church? Lies, manipulation, hurt, anger, mistrust, fear...some of this is pretty hard to swallow. But, as I continue to read, this book is becoming more personal.

It's not really about changing your church at all, but about changing yourself. But, I'm perfect right? So, what's this got to do with me God? HAHAHA! Here's a toughy...what's your motivation in service? Do we truly do it to worship and love? Sure we do...but then again, that pat on the back feels pretty good too. How many times have you ever volunteered to do something because the voice in your head was saying, "If I don't do it, no one will, or at least it won't be done right!". Hmmmm? What about who we help? Do we love freely with all God's creations, or do we pick and choose? Or do we offer conditional help? "Sure we can help you Needy Nancy, as long as you come to our church." Funny thing is, I don't remember Christ placing conditions on His love for us. We work so hard to be good Christians, but is that what it's really about? Are we working to be good or perfect, or to be like Christ? And, is it US doing the work, or are we fully reliant upon His spirit to provide, and allowing ourselves to become tools of His grace? Do we represent Christ as a spiritual Lord in heaven or as a tangible Saviour living here and now? I'll be honest here...I'm GUILTY!!! I've done and still do these things, even if it is unconsciously at times.

This post doesn't offer the answers, but hopefully it will get the ball rolling on your own self reflection, as it has mine. I encourage you to read the book if you can. You can download it free at jakecolsen.com. It is a fictional book, and I want you to keep that in mind as you read. It is not a "Bible" study. But, it will provoke thought, self reflection, awareness, clearer vision, and likely some new realizations of your journey with Christ. There will likely be many more posts as I explore my own spiritual foundations and growth. And hopefully, if we are truthful and sincere in our search we will all find the "New You" this year.

Did You Take Your Medicine?

2009-12-13T22:27:00.000-06:00

This past week was a rough one at the Tacker house. This time of year is complete insanity. Work is crazy. trying to prepare the kids for semester tests when all they can think about is Christmas break is futile at best. I'm trying to keep up with Jewelry orders and craft shows, finish my own Christmas shopping, go to Holiday dinners, church, etc. We're tired. And what always seems to happen when you let yourself get worn down? You get sick. And sick we have been! The boys and I can't seem to get over it. Polly told me my coughing was giving her a headache! I can't remember the last time I've been this sick for this long.

Normally, I hate taking medicine. But this time, I realized this was something I couldn't just beat on my own. I was going to need a little help to get over this. So, we've been taking our medicine. Religiously. In fact, this morning was the first time I've gotten to go to church in over a week. That might not seem like a lot, but we usually go 3 times a week! Even though I still don't feel well, it was great being back in church. When Polly saw the tray of grape juice during communion, she asked, "Mommy, is that medicine?". I laughed and said, "No.". It was so cute. Then she said something else that really made me think. She said, "But mom. It looks like medicine." I agreed. Then she said, "Is it medicine that helps you remember Jesus? Does it help you remember that Jesus lives intoside your heart?"  I don't know if my jaw dropped literally, but I couldn't believe what she said. I asked her if one of her Sunday school teachers had told her that. She said no. She said she just "knew" it.

Wow! My little four year got what so many of us, myself included, lose sight during all the hustle and buslte of life. We go through the motions. We go to the places we're supposed to go, and do the things we're supposed to do, but we're running on autopilot. It's like when you drive for a while, and before you know it, you reach your destination but can't remember half of the trip. It's actally pretty frightening when you think about it. It's happened to me numerous times, and I always wonder what went on during those times of unconscious consciousness.  And, it doesn't just happen while driving. It happens when we get too busy living our lives. I go through the motions at work. I cook dinner for my family, but can't remember what we ate the next day. So much of LIFE get's lost in the chaos. Not only do we forget the importance of Christ living within us, but we forget the even greater calling of showing that to others. How can we expect people to see Christ in us, if we don't even take time to see Him there ourselves! So, how do we wake up?

We do what Polly reminded me to do. We take our medicine. Just like my current illness, we can't get rid of the fog on our own. We need help. And just like chemical medications, we all react differently to different medications. This morning, my medication was taking communion in the presence of my daughter. Some days, its reading, praying, talking, or writing.   Whatever medication I need that day, the results bring healing. And the healing we get comes from the ultimate healer. When we allow ourselves to "remember" Him, He wakes us from our daze and brings us back into the fullness of life He intended for us. And His healing isn't just a temporary fix, it's the ultimate cure.

Psalm 30:2-3

LORD my God, I cried out to You,And You healed me.
O LORD, You brought my soul up from the grave; You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

Isaiah 53:4-5

Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken,Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.

A Log in My Eye

2009-12-07T12:34:00.001-06:00

This weekend was pretty much a blur. While at a craft show with my mom, we got a call from my dad that my grandfather had been taken to the hospital with chest pains. He has been dealing with heart problems for a long time now, so phone calls like this are not completely without warning. A bit later he was flown to the Heart Hospital in OKC. I posted this info on my facebook and asked my friends to please pray for his health and safekeeping. I have awesome friends. Yesterday afternoon I received phone calls, text messages, and e-mails all day offering encouraging words, loving hearts, and prayer.

I was touched by the people who took time from their lives to think of me and my family. I admit that it also hurt, that I didn't get word from some friends that I expected to. Now, I don't know why I allowed my feelings to get hurt. Just because they did not express their concern directly to me, doesn't mean they didn't offer it indirectly. Never the less, it did hurt. And the more I thought about it, the more it hurt. Surely if they were really my friends, they would at least call. Right? At least, that's what I would do! Isn't it???

OUCH! How many times have I been a good friend at heart, but bad in practice? I am terrible at picking up the phone to reach out or catch up. Many times I avoid "the phone call" because I simply don't know what to say. I wonder how many of my friends have been hurt by me and I never even knew? It's not that I don't care, I just get too "busy" to take time to express it. I pardon myself with the thought that they will understand. I mean, I have a job, a husband, a 4 1/2 year old, twin 2 1/2 year olds, and a jewelry business. Who has time to care! Sometimes I treat the people in my life more like possessions. Like a new toy that you are enamored with at first, but you grow tired of it after a few months. So, we look for a new toy to replace the excitement of the old. Then, when the new toy breaks, we run back to the old one, but the batteries are dead!

This post is really written for myself. It's a reminder for me to keep the batteries charged in my toys. To take time to play with old toys and new toys alike. Each one offers a special joy that the others cannot. So, a sincere thanks to all of my awesome friends; old and new! I hope that you all know how much I love and care about each of you, even though I fail miserably at showing it!

A Living Investment

2009-12-02T18:02:00.003-06:00

I was watching the news a few nights ago, and they were talking about Christmas gift ideas that last. One of the guests on the show was an investment representative for a local brokerage firm. He was talking about why giving the gift of investment was something that could last a lifetime. That's pretty good. I mean, how many gifts have you given or received that could last a lifetime? Are you drawing a blank too? I've gotten some pretty amazing gifts over the years, and I like to think I've given some cool stuff too. But, have the gifts I've given really been beneficial to the recipient? Did it give them more than a smile or nice thought?

So, I got to thinking. Are there really any gifts that we can give that will stay with the beneficiary forever? Then, it hit me...the gift of investment. Not simply in the monetary sense, but a more personal gift of yourself. Think about the people in your life who have left their mark. You may have learned from them, laughed with them, loved them, but whatever the action, the unifying factor was their investment in you. Maybe a teacher invested their time. Maybe a friend invested their compassion. Perhaps a parent invested their knowledge and love. A neighbor invested an ear. These are the gifts that last.

Now the hard part. Are you an investor? At work, do you give yourself to co-workers, bosses, students (in my case)? At home, do you take time to play with your kids, listen to your 4 year old's Hannah Montana concert, share the joys and burdens of parenthood with your partner? I'm sure we would all like to say yes to these things. But how do we know if we're truly invested? Here are a few questions for you. Could you just walk away from the person or situation you're trying to invest in? If no, why not? Is it because it would hurt you? Or, do you say no because you worry about how your absence would impact the ones you leave behind? These aren't easy questions. Even harder at times is the answer I think we should try and live up to.

You see, it's a little of both. Our focus on life has got to move away from our own needs/desires and onto others. When we do that, we invest. We have to worry less about how things make us feel, but rather how our actions and love can impact the feelings of others. But, just as there is risk involved with monetary investing, there is a far greater risk when we invest with ourselves. Not every investment turns into a gold mine. Someitmes, the people we invest in reject our investment. Our value plummits. We hurt. So then, do we stop investing just to avoid the risk? NO!!!! Keep investing. No risk equals no reward. We don't have to change what we invest, but just what we invest it on. Invest your time. Invest your heart. Invest your money, laughter, and tears. Just invest them on people instead of "stuff". Even when our investments seem to be failures, God is working. Even when we don't see it, He is turning our wee efforts into greatness for His Kingdom. See it or not, your investments will eventually pay off.

As you go about the Holiday hustle and bustle, keep your investments in mind. Before you run out and buy the newest piece of technology for your loved one, make sure you give them yourself first. Sometimes it's work. Sometimes it seems like more than we're capable of. But, in the end, the reward of the investor is far greater than the payee. Jump in, as unstable as the market may be, there's never better time to invest.

Be the Gar

2009-11-24T23:42:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm an admitted science geek. That established, I'd also like to confess my addiction to documentaries. Almost any type of scientific or historical documentary is guaranteed to grab my attention. I usually record them so my family doesn't have to be tortured by my tedious interests. A few nights ago, I was watching a show about the Aligator Gar. It's a very interesting species for many reasons. One of which is, that it can be found right here in Southwest Oklahoma. The gar is a prehistoric fish that has survived because it can do something that most other fish cannot.

When the hot Oklahoma sun dries the summer air, many of our small ponds and watering holes begin to dry up and are cut off from the original source of water. Once the water source is cut off, the water becomes stagnant. Stagnant water is not moving and becomes depleted of oxygen. When the oxygen is gone from the water, the organisms in the water begin to die. But not the Gar. When the Gar needs air, it simply goes to the surface of the water and gulps air directly through its mouth. So, when the Gar is cut off from the life giving oxygen it needs, it finds another way to find the life giving air.

Meditate on the word stagnant. Listen and hear some of the definitions:
1. Not moving or flowing; motionless.
2. Foul or stale from staneding.
3. Showing little or no sign of activity or advancement; not developing or progressing
4. Lacking vitality or briskness; sluggish or dull.

I bet you can guess where this is going. Every day we are struck with the mundane. We get into ruts and fail to progress. We do it at work, home, church, you name it. We go through the motions of life, but are we really living? My hope for everyone as we enter the Holiday season and New Year is this; Take a look at the water you're swimming in. Is it moving, flowing, progessing, and full of life? Or, is it stagnant, motionless, stale, foul, dead? If your water is stale, make sure you're connected to the source. If you find that your connection to the source of life has been severed, find another way to connect. Whether at work, home, or especially church. Hit the surface and inhale the sweet breath of life offered through Jesus Christ. He doesn't want his body just standing around motionless and dull; stagnant. No, His desire is for us to move, progress, and live the life He offers when we are connected to Him. When we are living that life, breathing Him in, we can share that life with others. But remember, to live we have to stay connected. Find a way; whether it means stirring up the water, gulping in air, or moving to a new pond. Whatever you have to do, just be the Gar!

Do You See the People?

2009-11-22T22:17:00.000-06:00

I got slapped in the face this morning during Sunday school. Not literally, but I felt the sting just the same. We've been studying about the importance of sewing the seeds, and trusting that God will work. It's been an awesome study. This morning, during our video, I was struck by what the speaker (Terry Rush) said. He asked a simple question. "Do you see the people?". Sure I do. I mean, I try to always help when I can. Of course I want to show Jesus to people in my life...but, that's not what he meant. Look deeper. Look farther. Do you really see the people? ALL of them? Not just neighbors and aquaintances, but the PEOPLE? Ouch! I can say yes until I'm blue in the face, but I pass over people all the time.

I thought of a little girl in my class when I was just a second year teacher. Poor, dirty, needy, trying, sad. I tried to convince myself that I treated her with love, but my actions said otherwise. She would come to hug me every morning, and I would hug her back, but not REALLY embrace her. I didn't want to get dirty. The little girl lived in squalor. I knew this, because I had seen reports from DHS and local authorities. The other kids, didn't want to be around her either. She hungered for attention of any form. I hated the situation she was in, but there was nothing I could do. Right? I was tollerant of her, because I felt sorry for her. I was nice to her, but I never reached to her. I never saw her. She was in my class every day, but I never saw her. She cried out to me, to love her with the love of Christ, but I was afraid to get dirty. I remember the day she brought me 2 cookies. She was so proud of them. I gushed over how good they looked, but I was horrified of eating them. I kept picturing the cockroaches in her kitchen as she was baking away. Such a rediculous, petty image. I should have pictured her beautiful heart. I should have pictured her face of joy. She worked so hard, to make me those cookies. She wanted, no needed, me to eat them. She needed for me to show her that she was lovable. But I was too good to eat them. I really thought being nice to her was enough. I didn't know she needed to "see" me eat the cookies. She knew I didn't see her. She didn't know she was worth being seen.

So, do you SEE the people? Not from the outside, but from the heart. Do you look for the image of God in every face you meet? Do they see the image of Christ in you? I want to say yes with all my heart. But, I still have a long way to go. As you experience life this week, take every opportunity you can to see the people all around you. When we get over ourselves and see the beauty of humanity, they can see the beauty of the love of Christ within' us. When we open our eyes to God's perfect creation, He opens our hearts to His love. A love that SEES.

The Greatest Commandment

2009-11-20T15:33:00.001-06:00

Matthew 22:34-40   Hearing the Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question, "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?". Jesus replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with allyour min.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

I like to think that I am easy to get along with. But, lately, I have questioned my likability. I mean, when I really think about it, I can be quite the opposite. Stubborn, opinionated, loud, judgmental, overbearing, bossy. I could go on, but I would only be stating the obvious. I appease myself by thinking of all the good qualities I also posses. Kindness, generosity, compassion, love, eagerness, patience, and a few others. So, in the end the good wins out, and I am again likable.

Recent events in my life have led me to a new realization. I'm easy to like, as long as we agree. Not just me but everyone. Think about it. Look at your friends, people you admire or respect. Don't you basically see eye to eye with them? I'm not saying you have to agree with them 100%, but look at it from the other side. How many people do you really like that have opinions completely different from your own? Maybe you can tolerate these people, maybe even admire and respect them, but like them? Now think about the people you don't really like. Come on, I know you have some. Why don't you like them? Personally, My dislike of others can almost always be narrowed down to some difference of opinion. Wouldn't you agree? Sorry, I couldn't resist. Maybe I disagree with the way this person treats others, or with decisions they make, or with their political or religious views.

It's hard to like people you don't agree with. It's often even harder to love those people you don't really like. Well, it is for me anyways. I often think about the Pharisees in Matt 22.   I don't think Jesus told them what they were wanting to hear. They wanted to hear something "doable". Like, don't murder or steal. Nope, Jesus chose a toughy. Love Him above all, and love your neighbor as yourself. I've spent a lot of time wondering why. Why is it so important to love EVERYONE? The more I think about it, the more I realize it has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with Him. It's not that hard for me not to kill another person. I could probably refrain from doing that even without Jesus Christ. But, loving my neighbor, that's different. I can't do it. Well, I can't do it in and of myself. If I am going to love with the love of Christ, I have to love through the love of Christ.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28).

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another (John 13:35).

I have to remind myself often that God made man in his image. Not just me. Christ's blood was poured out for the love of all humanity. Not just those who loved Him. So, our love of others must reflect this love. It's hard. I struggle. Man, do I ever struggle. But, that's kind of the point.   When we are weak, He is strong. Our inabilities force us to depend upon his ability. When we understand the reality of that, then we are able to love. And love ushers in understanding and peace.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Exercise for Life

2009-11-16T15:17:00.000-06:00

Today my students did a lab activity called, "Exercise Your Heart" They were to investigate the effect of exercise on their heart rates. I watched them huffing and puffing from the exercise, but no one quit. I heard students telling each other, "keep going! Don't stop!". I saw their smiling faces and heard their laughter between gasps of breath. They worked in groups with people they don't necessarily like, but no one complained....hmmm. As I explained how the blood of life is pushed through the veins by the heart, all eyes were attentive. More exercise, more blood pumping, more efficient bodies for life. Life....blood.

I don't know about you, but when I really exercise, I can feel the blood moving through me. As my pulse pounds, I can almost feel the oxygen being delivered to my needy depleted muscles. It's not always fun, but it is imperative to building and maintaining a healthy body. Spiritual exercise readies our souls to fight the battles of the flesh. It is vital that our spirit to be "in shape" for our Kingdom work on earth to be effective. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 says this:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the game goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

So how do we go about this "spiritual exercise"? Exercise is different for each person, but here are some things I think we could all benefit from.
1. Pray. Opening the lines of communication also opens your heart to His will.
2. Reflect. Fine areas within yourself that cause you to stumble, and work on removing them.
3. Read. Read God's Word. As you read, you will find it speaking to your heart.
4. Partner up. Just as with physical exercise, having a partner increases your accountability. You don't have to actually do the exercises together, but hold each other in check.
5. Fellowship. Be encouraged by those around you (just like my exercising students)
6. Set gradual goals. Don't jump into the deep end if you don't know how to swim. Too much too soon will lead to frustration, fatigue, and failure.
7. Set aside time. It's easy to be too busy for exercise.
8. Commit. Make a conscious decision to exercise. Tell others about your commitment. It's harder to quit when you say it out loud!

It may seem like a lot, but when you exercise your soul, you can feel the life blood of Jesus moving through you as well. You can face you battles and chores with a smile, because you understand the greater purpose of your life in God's Kingdom. So, here it is...my commitment to exercise, (physical and spiritual). Let's get in shape together! Let me know if your up for the challenge.

A Balancing Act

2009-11-12T15:16:00.001-06:00

Lots of my personal thoughts stem from experiences I have at school. Today's is just that. I hope you don't mind the anatomy lessons you might receive as a byproduct of my experiences.

I love to teach about the human body! It is absolutely amazing. How each system works so intricately to maintain balance is phenomenal. It is the greatest example of "teamwork" I have ever experienced. Each cell has it's own specific purpose, yet come together to form tissues, and organs, and organ systems....I think you get the picture.

Each year, I have at least one student ask, "Mrs. Tacker, what is the most important organ in the body? Like, which one could you not live without?". Hmmmm. There are a few organs that are dispensable, but of utmost importance? There are none. Our bodies were designed for balance. Each system influencing those around it, and helping them function more efficiently. No system is independent of another. Each depends on the others to function. And, when you think about it, each system shares the common functions of serving the others and protecting the body. Think about that! The body is a unified front. Ready to connect the dots?

It is certainly not chance that the church is referred to as, "The Body of Christ". And, just as our Earthly bodies were created in the image of God, so our churches should be reflective of the image of Christ. The church is not merely an organization, but a living organism. Compare the two:

Organization = is a group of individuals voluntarily associated

together for a certain purpose.

Organism = is any living thing which develops by inherent life. Which

means the sum total of related parts, in which the relationship of each

part to part involves a relationship to the whole.

Each member of a church serves as a vital part of this organism. Though our specific functions may differ, our mission is shared. Bring the life of Jesus Christ to the world through our service.

Is this how our churches function? Too many times, we let our personal differences interfere with function of the church. When one body system fails to contribute, the body becomes sick. When personal agendas and doctrinal discontinuity invade the church, disease spreads quickly. So, the church takes a sick day from its Kingdom work. Creation suffers from the infections of flesh. Our desires for power and influence, and respect cause irreparable damage.

Maybe your church needs some preventative medicine. Imagine yourself as part of a living organism. Celebrate the value of each member of Christ's Body. Do your part, but also offer yourself in the service of others. A balanced church spreads love not disease. Serve one another and build each other up for the wellness of the church and the advancement of His kingdom.

From whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love” (Ephesians 4:16).

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the Church of God, which he bought with his own blood. " Acts 20:25-28

Regurgitated Faith

2009-11-10T20:02:00.004-06:00

Regurgitation: 1. To rush or surge back. 2. To cause to pour back, especially to cast up (partially digested food).

This word is often found to be repulsive, yet we experience regurgitation daily. In fact, my family has experienced it A LOT lately! Poor Polly has been regurgitating all day! But, emptying the contents of the stomach is only one form of regurgitation. When stangers meet in passing, they regurgitate their greetings, "Hi. How are you?", one asks. "Fine.", the other responds. Do you see the regurgitation here? It's practice. Habit. Neither party is truly concerned about the well being of the other. Education is full of regurgitation. Teachers present information, and ask students to prove what they have learned by spewing this information back at them. The students might get the right answer, but fail to see the big picutre. They read the book, but miss the main idea. Is that what learning is supposed to be? I admit, I have it easy. I teach science. It is often easier for me to help students connect what we are learning to their lindividual ives. Science is based upon questioning, investigation, and drawing of conclusions based on research. When students make these real life connections, regardless of the subject, their education is authentic not regurgitated. They don't have to cram all night for tests, because they have an internal understanding of how, why, and what.

This problem of regurgitation seeps from beneath the doors of schools and into the pews of churches. Though our intentions are pure, we often rob our children, as well as ourselves, of genuine faith. Our desire for our children to share our beliefs can lead to regurgitated faith. That is, faith born of practice and repetition, not a living connection to Jesus Christ. I'm not suggesting that we change what were teaching our kids, but rather how we teach them. We need to help them connect to the life and teachings of Jesus, not just memorize scriptures. This self investigation is invaluable during the early teen years. During this time, teens are stuggling with self identity. Can you imagine the possibilites that exist for these kids who find their idenitiy through Jesus. Understanding why they believe not just what. This will establish true faith they can build upon their entire lives. It amazes and nausiates (pun intended!) me to see how many church leaders have regurgitated faith. They can quote verse upon verse, but their understanding of meaning is shallow at best. They don't get it. And, unless they're willing to learn, they never will.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of regurgitation, in every aspect of the word. The rancidness of the stomach can easily sour the soul. Encourage each other to build a firm foundation of faith. Based upon prayer, study, conversation, love, questioning, investigation, and understanding. Understanding that we don't know it all. If you are a regurgitator, don't give up. Start your investigation today. Don't keep spewing your faith, let it digest. Let it offer nourishment to your body and soul. Connecting your life and your faith through Jesus is the only way to build genuine faith. The faith like He has in you.

Stepping Out of the Box

2009-11-09T13:35:00.001-06:00

Friday night, I found myself mesmerized by the beauty of the night sky. It was so crystal clear. Bands of the Milky Way and distant planets seemed close enough to touch. I'm baffled by it's absolute perfection. Everything about our existence in the universe is just right. Count it no coincidence that life not only exists, but flourishes on our tiny little planet. In the infinite vastness of our universe, the Earth would not even amount to a speck of dust. Yet, here we are! Astronomers and Physicists who spend their lives studying the universe still have no idea how big our universe is. You see, their knowledge of the universe is limited by the speed of light. They can't see farther than light can travel. Even though scientists can't see beyond the so called "edge of the universe", most believe that innumerable galaxies exist beyond that boundary. So, even though they are limited by sight, their belief surpasses those limits. Even though the universe is limited to them, they do not reciprocate these limitations.

Can we say the same? Our desire to identify with societal groups often binds God to the cultural norms of that society. But, God is not a part of any one culture or society. We limit God's ability according to what we are comfortable with him doing. We call people crazy when they claim to see ghosts or UFO's, because those things cannot exist within the boundaries of normal reasoning. We call evolution preposterous, because we can't grasp a God who creates continually. Yet, the very God we proclaim to be ours is the apex of the supernatural. What about the resurrection of Jesus Christ? The very super nature of this event is how we know Him as Saviour! Man places labels and categorizes everything from social class and race to morality in an effort to better understand God. Yet, in doing so, we prove our inability to grasp his omnipotence.

Struggling churches seeking growth resort to commercialized gimmicks instead of having faith in God's ability to work. When their efforts prove futile, they don't understand where they went wrong. Our lack of understanding is the point. We don't get it. We're not supposed to. Isaiah 55:8-9 says this;

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

For true growth to occur, we must come to terms with our own inadequacy. Like it or not, God's existence goes beyond that pretty little box we try and put Him in. It goes back to sharing His vision, not our vision of Him. Because in His vision, there are no limits; no impossibilities. Because, in His vision, we are free to step outside of the box.

Uncomprehendable Love

2009-11-07T05:09:00.004-06:00

Moments like this are few and fleeting. He seeks a rare chance of rest as his tired little body crawls into my lap. I wrap my arms around him and draw him near to me, as his tiny hand reaches. His eyes are closed as his hand reads my face of love and pulls me into him. Our noses meet, and my eyes close. I can smell the breath of life. His tender skin warms my coldness as my cheeck slides across his. My lips can't stop kissing his perfectness, and the taste is holy. As I hold him, I feel our souls mingling. His in mine, and mine in his. The tears well in my throat, and one falls on his head. "Anything," I whisper, "I would do anything for you my son." I know he feels my love. His father comes to take him to bed, but I push him away. I don't want this moment to end. And so, I hold him just a while longer.

"How great is the love, the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1

My body is tired. The world takes it's toll. He beckons me to His lap, and offers me rest. He says;

"Come unto me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

His outstretched arms draw me into Him, and I rest my head upon His chest. His perfection envelopes me. I close my eyes as he strokes my cheeck. He closes His eyes as his lips of mercy caress my soul. I am at peace, as I listen to the rythm of His unfailing heart of love. As He holds me, our souls are weaved together. Mine with His, and His with mine. I feel His tears fall upon my face, and his love showers me. He whispers to me. "Everything," He says, "I have done everything for you my daughter." Satan comes to take me to bed, but my Father's love, binds me to Him, and we cannot be separated. And so, He hold me just a while longer, because He knows these moments are fleeting. Such love is uncomprehendable.

New Vision

2009-11-05T22:28:00.000-06:00

20/20 vision. I can't say it's something I sat around giving thanks for. What's the old saying? You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone." For the people who have it, good vision is common place. Lackluster. For the people who don't, it's a dream. This window to the world, is something I seldom thought of. About a year ago, I was faced with the reality that my daughter was losing vision in her right eye. We want to tell our kids, they can be and do anything they want in life. Here I was thinking of how to break the news to my 3 year old that she could never be an astronaut, or fly a fighter jet. How, why? What could I have done to keep this from happening? Should I have paid closer attention? I felt like such a failure to her. I needed to do something, anything. I needed hope. I needed new vision. And, that's exactly what I got.

Vision can be defined as a vivid mental image; the perceptual experience of seeing. My Google search on vision, led me to this definition, "imagination: the formation of a mental image of something that is not perceived as real and is not present to the senses". My ability to see is fine, but what am I l ooking for? We want tangibles. But God's vision for us is not one that can be seen within the limits of human eyes. God's vision allows us to see beyond our eyes through His Spirit. God's vision, leads us out of a system of beliefs and into a living church. More than a lifestyle, but life itself.

Yesterday, I talked about inhaling the breath of Christ and being filled with the Holy Spirit. Those disciples didn't just get fresh breath, but clear eyes! They were led into a reality of impossiblilities, becoming possible through Christ's vision. When we allow our vision to be led by the His Spirit, things become clear for us too. All the worries, doubts, confusion, and struggles are shadowed by His light. They fall by the wayside, because we have the vision that was once just a dream. Proverbs 29:18 says,

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he."

Really, God's Vision is not about an ability to see what's in front of you, but a willingness to see what is not visible. Not about what you can see, but what you can't. The blindest of men could have the vision of God. And through it He can unlock door to the impossible. Polly is still undergoing treatment for her vision problems, but has made monumental improvements. This week, she was able to see 20/20 in her eye that was once considered legally blind. God's vision for me was to see His strength and healing, to share His vision for what was possible. As long as our vision comes from our sweet Saviour we can all share in the joy of having sight, because there is resolve for spiritual blindness. What are you waiting for? Open your eyes!

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law." Psalm 119:18

"Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly." Mark 8:25

Spiritual Halitosis

2009-11-05T07:57:00.000-06:00

We've all been there. Staring into the face of bad breath, and no way to escape. Amidst the stench are words, but we can't hear them. Our thoughts are of self preservation. How can we remove ourselves from the foul one without causing a scene. We start to turn our faces away. We may even re-posture ourselves to face another direction or feign a nose itch in an attempt to guard ourselves. When none of these methods are successful, we look for an exit. Someone else to talk to or somewhere we need to go. We are so appalled by bad breath. It must mean the offender has poor hygiene. Yet, we hardly notice our own stench.

Spiritual Halitosis plagues Christians and churches everywhere. And, the consequences of this disease are much more dire than it's physical alternate. Confrontation, disagreement, comparisons, labeling, and power struggles within a church are often found at the root of the problem. We spew our venom and lash out, because we feel we have been wronged or that our opinions are of little value. Yet, we wonder why people don't hear our words and posture themselves away from us. Much of the time, we are unaware of our offensiveness. But our lack of spiritual hygiene does not go unnoticed. It hangs in the air, a reminder of our smallness. Many of our friends have grown so accustomed to our venom, they hardly notice it anymore. Just like a smoky room, we get used to it, but, over time, our eyes start to burn. So what do we do? No one wants to have bad breath!

Fortunately, there is a cure for spiritual halitosis, and it doesn't require a trip to the dentist. In Genesis 2:7, God breathes into man the breath of life. The very essence of himself, for we are created in His image. After the resurrection of Jesus, he appears to his disciples. John 20:21-22 says this,

“Jesus therefore said to them again, 'Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.' And after He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, 'Receive the Holy Spirit.'” (NAS)

Can you imagine the sweetness of the breath of Christ? He offers His breath to us too! We don't need a stick of gum or a mento. We simply need to breathe Him in. When we fail to do this, our venom returns again and again. Think about your breath today. Are your words worth hearing? Does venom spew from your mouth, or sweet nectar drip from your lips? Turn down the gum, and accept the breath of life!